Zap

The following is a tribute to my dear sister. I only post this out of love for her. And because it makes me laugh. Hysterically.



Much Love from me and my buddy Jesus.

Change Of Subject

All I hear these days is talk about:

The Bail-Out

The Election

Sarah Palin

Football

My Living Situation

Granted, I do have an interest in all of these things. But I'd really like to talk with people about something OTHER than those things every now and then. So here is a list of things that I would like to talk about with anyone.

Burger King Commercials. You know what I'm talking about- the ones with "The King". I laugh loudly at the newest one with reverse pick-pocketing. If you haven't seen it yet, you definately need to watch more TV just so you can experience that pleasure. Let's talk about "The King".

The 80's style. Hypo-color T-shirts, fluorescent colors, big hair, Reeboks, stretch pants, parachute pants, sweaters with animals on them, side ponytails, pegged pants, tie-dye..... I could go on and on and on. Oh, the horror of it all. Let's talk about the 80's style.

Books. Books on philosophy, books on religious matters, fictional suspense books, true crime books, Oprah's Book Club books, made-into-movie books, romance books, sci-fi books, biographies, etc. Let's talk about books.

Halloween costumes. The one time a year I allow myself to dress like a prostitute and it's 100% socially acceptable. What's everyone dressing up as this year? What are your kids going to be dressed up as? Are these costumes being bought at a store? Online? Homemade? Let's talk about Halloween costumes.

Planet Earth. Either the show, or the planet itself. I bought Michael the BBC series called "Planet Earth" for his birthday. It's pretty awesome and explains SO much about how climates affect the animals that live there and things like that. Desserts, caves, the Arctic, oceans. Pretty much everything about the planet. It's really fascinating and now I have some new useless but interesting facts in my head. Let's talk about Planet Earth. Or the planet.

High school mascots. My high school mascot was a Colt. That's dumb. I always hated being a Cottonwood Colt. Was that the only mascot left that started with a "C"? I guess it could have been worse- I could have been a Cottonwood Cow. What was your mascot? Let's talk about high school mascots.

Value menus at fast food places. I hardly order from the value menus (I'm talking about things like that dollar menu at McDonald's and the like). But realistically, is the value menu food much worse than the rest of the menu? Like you can get a spicy chicken sandwich on the dollar menu, OR you can get a grilled chicken sandwich for full price. A little bit of a size difference and taste difference, but enough to spend an extra $3 on? I will, from now on, chastize myself for not ordering from the slightly less blase value menu food. Thoughts? Let's talk about value menus.

I'll stop for now as the above should give us plenty to talk about. For now, let's have a change of subject.

Much Love!

One Year Cheese

One year ago yesterday, September 21st 2007, I went to the Canyon Inn with some friends. My friend Travis had just quit work and we were having a "going away" party for him. I had been chatting with this guy online for a little bit and we decided to meet up. I emailed the guy and told him that I was going to be at the Canyon Inn with some friends and he should come up if he feels the urge. He emailed back and said that he would be there with some of his friends. I dressed for a mix of hanging out with friends, and taking it up a notch for a possible meeting of this new guy. My friend Katie came with me for the emotional support aspect of it. Some interesting and drama-related things had happened with someone in my group of friends so I was trying to avoid this person as much as possible. Katie and I grabbed some beers and went outside. I texted the guy to say that I was there, and he came over with two of his friends. We spent the rest of the night talking and laughing. I brought up all sorts of inappropriate conversation topics for just meeting someone, and yet he STILL stayed. I ended up forgetting completely about my friends that I had even gone there with. Where am I going with this? Well, that guy was Michael. Even though we had a bit of a break, yesterday was our 1-year anniversary. Though we weren't "together" the whole year, I'm taking it as an anniversary anyways. If nothing else, the anniversary of when we met. It's funny to think back to that night we met. He didn't think I was interested mostly due to the lack of eye contact. Now that he knows me, he understands that I'm just not good with eye contact at all. With anyone. He was wearing a white polo shirt, and I haven't seen him wear one since. I remember worrying that though I really liked him, I wouldn't like him as much once beer wasn't flowing through my veins. The very next day we went to the park and ate Blimpie sandwiches in his truck. He held my hand and my heart hasn't stopped pounding since. On our first official date, we went to Red Lobster. Anyone that can stand to be around me at Red Lobster scores major points. Crab leg shells flying, garlic butter dripping down my chin.... I'm not a feminine eater when you give me seafood. And the conversation flowed, he made me laugh, and there was genuine chemisty. He kissed me and the world stopped moving. And here we are a year later. I'm still flinging crab leg shells, he's still trying to make eye contact, and it works. We've had our moments. We've had our fights. But we are still here, still together. Still "Michael and Jessica". Happy Anniversary, Baby.

This Blog Is About Sex

I have a small admission of guilt. Not guilt in the guilty guilt way where I have hurt someone and feel bad. Nor is it guilty guilt where I have done something bad, a.k.a commited a crime. This admission of guilt is more of an automatic internal mind switch that clicks everytime a certain situation comes across my attention span. So this admission of guilt isn't me feeling guilty about anything, just admitting that I'm guilty of a particular thing. Make sense?

Are you ready for my admission of guilt? Are you sure? Drumroll please.........

Whenever I see a couple where the woman is pregnant, I imagine them having sex. Not in a "ooh, that makes me hot" kind of way. Just in a curious "I wonder if they are secretly kinky" kind of way. These thoughts do not affect me in any sexual way. They flit through my mind and then disappear. I don't dwell on the thought, nor do I want to. But honestly, it happens. I look at their faces, try to get a guage of their bodies, and wonder how many times it took. Or what the impregnating position was. Things like that.

I used to be baffled at my reaction- thinking that I was some sort of pervert for secretly imagining complete strangers naked. Until I realized that I'm not the only person in the world who does it. And then I kinda ran away from home (long story) and lived with 9 guys in a 2-bedroom apartment. We would wake up, smoke pot, watch porn, go to work, smoke pot on lunch, go back to work, smoke pot on the way home, and then once home- smoke pot and watch porn. Absolutely true story. And the absolute lowest point in my life. But at least it made me realize that the way that I imagined strangers naked in my mind was not related in the slightest to porn. When these "strangers having sex because they are pregnant" thoughts go through my head, it's never in detail and it's never dirty. It's loving. So that made me feel better.

And then I got older and my Kansas mom started talking to me openly about her sex life with my step-dad. Not dirty details, but generals. And then there came a point where even my dad talked to me a little bit about his sex life with my step-mom. The automatic reaction people have when thinking about their parents and sex is "gross!". Personally, I think it's sweet. My parents are only human. They are people themselves and though I refuse to dwell on it in detail, I think that my parents having sex is perfectly healthy and I'm glad that they do. And I honestly feel flattered that they feel comfortable enough with me to talk to me about such personal things- and that they know I'll give them my thoughts on the subject at hand without feeling akward about it.

I'm no virgin, that's for sure. But the older I get, the more important sex is becoming to me. By that I mean that I'm done with the selfish, unemotional sex. Been there, done that. Now I'm only interested in intimate sex with someone I care about. The way it's actually supposed to be. I know and understand the difference between someone loving my body and someone actually loving ME.

So I guess with all this sex talk, what it really boils down to is the following:

1- I'm actually a mature and stable adult now about my own sex life

2- Apparently I'm the one to go to if feeling the need to talk about your sex life

3- If you are pregnant, I will imagine you naked and having sex

Much Love!

My One And Only Blog On Politics

Since it's all over the place and people are blogging and blogging and blogging about it, I have decided to throw down my views on politics and the recent happenings. Now I must warn you that I'm not policitally inclined. Meaning I don't pay a whole lot of attention and don't get as informed as I should probably be, if you will. Politics have never been an interesting subject for me. Granted, I DO care about the future of our country. And I do have certain issues that are more important to me as a person than other issues. I'm not going to list out my views and beliefs here. This isn't the place for me. I don't think I need to list out my thoughts on abortion or the fair tax or stem cell research or the war in Iraq. If anyone ever wants to talk politics with me, I'm more than happy to share with you. I'm just not opening myself up like that to the general public. So this is what I will say:

Sarah Palin. McCain's answer to Hillary. McCain's way to swing the Democratic voters who supported Hillary just for the fact that she's a woman. We all know that there are actually people out there who vote for who looks good, what sex someone is, etc. Not about the actual issues that they stand for. Sadly enough, it's true. Palin is McCain's way to get those people who supported Hillary purely as a woman, on his side. Palin COULD be a good VP, but with her limited experience and inability to even know the basics of top government, it would basically be training her for the first 2 years so that she could even act as VP for the next 2 years. I understand the fact that she supports drilling in Alaska. That she is passionate about finding energy solutions within our own country. But what else is she passionate about? Seems to me that the energy issue has been the only thing she is platforming. Tossed in with a few mentions of reform. There are SO many other issues in the USA that I'd really like to know where she stands on before I can truly decide if I think she would be inline with my own views. I know this is all still fairly new, but in my opinion, she needs to get out there more with her other positions on politics.

And though I have never been a Mitt supporter, I think McCain is going to lose a lot of support for not choosing Mitt as his running mate. Mitt had a huge following and was well-known in the political arena. Silly McCain....

Obama and McCain. So different, yet both have things that they feel strongly on that I completely oppose. I'm neither Republican nor a Democrat. I don't fall on one side or another. I am in the middle of that fence. Basically, it boils down to picking the lesser evil for me.

I just took a survey (found here) that you answer the questions and rate their importance to you. And then it tells you who your presidential candidates are in order of closest to your views to further away. (They only give you 6 matches.) Ready for my results? It actually really surprised me:

My number one Presidential Candidate is Chuck Baldwin (Constitution)- 68% match
My number two is Bob Barr (Libertarian)- 64% match
My number three is John McCain (Republican)- 48% match
Tied for number three is Cynthia McKinney (Green Party)- 48% match
My number three is Barack Obama (Democrat)- 44% match
Tied for number four is Ralph Nader (Independant)- 44% match

Wow. Though I won't go into details, I don't like the idea of too much government control. I am opposed to the government having a hand in so many aspects of our lives. Which basically ends up making me more on target with the Constitutionalists and Libertarians of the political world. Before Ron Paul dropped out of the running, he was my number 1 candidate by a large percentage. (I took the same survey a while ago before so many people dropped out of the running.)

I'd be curious to see what YOUR results come out as. Take the survey and post your results if you feel so inclined.

There. That's my political blog. The end.

Much Love!

Celebrity Sighting

I had my very own celebrity sighting last night. Dave and Billy and I went to the state fair yesterday. Wandered around, looked at the animals, did the typical fair stuff. But the main reason we went yesterday was for the demolition derby. I am in love with the demolition derby. There's something about crashing cars, cars on fire, cars smoking, and cars revving their engines that just gets me. I adore it. So we find some seats in the general admission area to enjoy the show. I look behind me and see celebrities! Seriously! Now keep in mind that celebrities to me aren't the Tom Cruises or Gwyneth Paltrows of the world. My celebrities are my personal heroes. People that I respect, people that I look up to, people that I admire. Are you curious to know which celebrities I encountered? The Bird family!

Yes, that doesn't mean anything to you. So let me explain. One of the links to my favorite bloggers is Rhett. Rhett Bird. Written by his mom Pam. I don't remember how I found the blog, but I have been a faithful reader for many many months now. I have gone through things with this family, I have experienced what they have experienced, I have shared in their good times and their pain. Just by reading the words that Pam so kindly shares. I have never met them or known them in any other way. But I really have grown to love these people.

So yes, my heroes the Bird family were at the demolition derby last night. Obviously, I just HAD to say hi and introduce myself. I went to them and said "I know you". To the slightly confused expression on Pam's face (trying to figure out if she should know me), I said "I read your blog". They smiled and she said "You are Jessica!". Wow. My celebrity knew who I was! I may have frightened their kids a little as I said Hi to them by name. And knew details of their lives- like Chloee's Disney Princess night and Hunter's mohawk. But once they knew that I only knew of them from the blog, I think they stopped thinking I'm just some random psycho.

It was just a really surreal thing. Meeting people that you know so much about but have never met. Actually talking to them in real life. Just as it would be surreal to meet some of you faithful readers of mine.

I remain ecstatic that I had my first ever celebrity sighting.

Much Love!

Rational and Irrational Fears Of Mine

Water and/or drowning. Drowning I'm terrified of, as a lot of people are. But did you all know that even in a backyard swimming pool there are fish that bite your toes, electric eels, and sharks? It's true, just ask me.

Enclosed spaces. I'm fine with elevators and the like. But snow caves made as kids? Hell no. Anything like that. Or when I wake up and my blankets are wrapped around me trapping me. That freaks me out. I was also going to say being stuck in a box. But I'm not exactly sure why I would be in a box in the first place......







Snakes. I have a terrible terrible fear of snakes. If I see one, I freeze and can't do anything. The last time I saw a snake in the mountains, my friends had to actually carry me away. And then I started to cry. My sister likes snakes. She's crazy. The other day I had to remind her of a little story where a snake does a very bad thing to a lady named Eve. See? Snakes are bad.





Bombs. Even pre- 9/11 I was afraid of bombs, when it wasn't even something that anyone really thought about. I've had nightmares of being blown up. Let me tell you, being blown up by a bomb is NOT a good time had by all. I avoid bombs when at all possible.



Large crowds of people. It may or may not have to do with the fact that I'm 5' tall so everyone is looming over me. Or the fact that you can't move without either elbowing someone or getting elbowed yourself. Years ago I went to a bar in Ogden with a guy I used to date named Dan. It was super duper crowded to the point where as stated above, you couldn't even move without being in physical contact with someone. Apparently, my face turned completely white, I started shaking, my stomach was rolling, and my eyes started filling up with tears. Dan noticed and rushed me out of there. I cried. Maybe it's also somewhat to do with the "enclosed spaces" fear?

Dead birds. I'm not exactly sure why dead birds scare me, but they do. Other dead animals make me feel sad, but dead birds make me feel fear. I have no explanation for this one.









Impalement. Gates and fences with pointed tops, church steeples, spires on the buildings at Lagoon when riding the sky thing, etc. Anything sharp that could impale scares me. Not as much knives as that's more stabbing than impalement. Stabbing isn't as bad. But that darn impalement thing.....







Lamb's Canyon. I've never been up that canyon, but the many scary stories I've heard makes me feel terrified of that canyon. Most times I can sort through a story vs. real life. Or even if it's real, it didn't happen to me so it's not scary. But Lamb's Canyon stories are real to me for some reason and that place freaks me out.

The KKK. The old-school KKK with burning crosses and all that. I'm not sure why I'm scared of the KKK since I'm not black. Maybe it's just their freaky outfits.

Public speaking. Ever seen a stuttering tomato? That's what I turn into..... a bright red stu-stu-stu-stutterer.

Much Love!

Free Advertising

I am advertising my sister Emily's blog. She just started it and she is wonderful. You'll like her more than me. Haha! That's all.

Much Love!

I Am Going To Sue Frito-Lay

Okay, I'm not really going to sue them. But in my humble opinion, I think they should put a warning label on their bags that says "If you eat an entire large 12-oz bag of these potato chips by yourself over the course of 2 days, you will suffer temporary loss of your taste buds".

Seriously.

Much Love!

My Subconscious, My Family, and United Way

Part 1- My Subconscious

I realized something about myself the other. I nod to myself, shake my head to myself, and cock my head to one side (like a dog does) when I have an interesting thought. I realized this as I was driving to my parent's house on Wednesday. First I noticed myself nodding when I appropriately passed a slow-moving vehicle. Like I was giving myself a thumbs-up or something. It amused me that I physically nod to myself without even realizing it until now. Then yesterday I went to the park by myself and just sat there in the grass for an hour and half just thinking. Not reading, not writing, just thinking. I had an interesting thought and noticed myself cocking my head to the side. As if it makes it easier to think about or something. And then I laughed. And shook my head...... I wonder how many things we each subconsciously do that we notice at some point, or never even notice at all.

Part 2- My Family

So I've stayed at my parent's house the past two nights. And I must say that's it's an absolute blast! My dad and mom have totally mellowed out since I lived there. And my little sisters are hilarious. My sisters made me a bed in their room (which is the entire basement). They basically took every single blanket and pillow and threw it on a folded-down futon. It's so comfortable and soft. And warm, since there's about 20 blankets should I choose to use them. Anyways, I got there Wednesday night and we went to bed. Emily and Rachel and I just talked and joked around and laughed hysterically. My odd sense of humor was passed off to them as they were growing up, so we find things funny that most other people wouldn't. So we just laughed and laughed and laughed- and then we all fell asleep at the same time. Then last night when I was there, Emily pulled up a song on the computer that she wanted me to listen to. My mom had purchased a puppet from Mexico for my nephew. We sat there and made the puppet dance and jump and stomp his foot to the music and again, we'd laugh hysterically. As Cameron posted- we are easily entertained. For example- one time at a family dinner at my Grandma's house, we all held hands and swayed singing "Kumbaya" around the dinner table. For no reason whatsoever. So I've had a very entertaining past two nights with the fam. It's honestly been a blast.

Part 3- United Way

Yesterday was the United Way Day of Caring. I volunteer every year because I love it. We meet at the Gateway at 7 AM for free breakfast, coffee, juice, etc. They have a live band and a lot of the radio stations are there. Yesterday they announced that there were 2,600 people involved. That's awesome! So we had breakfast and then went on our way to our place (gotta keep this certain place confidential) for our volunteer assignment. We were in charge of cleaning the kitchen. We went through a couple bottles of de-greaser and about 15 rags. It was a mess! I basically stood on a ladder and scrubbed the ceiling all day long. But we had a great time and really feel like we helped out a lot. By the time we were done with the kitchen, you could actually start to see the color of the ceiling and the stainless steel of the grill. Imagine that! Their ceilings weren't originally orange/brown after all! Here's two pictures for you. The first one is my back (since I kept trying to avoid the camera) wearing my totally awesome United Way shirt. The second one is me in mid-sentence (not very flattering).

So now I'm off to eat free lunch of food from Chicken Express. (Another free lunch day at work.)
Much Love!

Pushover Smushover

I don't like confrontation. Usually I take the easier route of letting someone walk all over me instead of having to have a conversation with them about how they are walking all over me. But I do have my limits. The whole situation with my landlady has just gotten ridiculous. And knowing that I am going to be out of there at the end of the month gives me the extra push I need to say to my landlady what needs to be said without fear of repercussion. So here's the email that I sent to her today. I am proud of myself for it.

"Hello, Joan.

I have been back to the apartment and am quite confused with something. You told me that the apartment was done and ready to move back into. But as I was there, there were a few things that I noticed have not been completed.

First, the doors are not hung. You did leave a note stating that the workers are coming today to hang the doors. Hopefully that will be taken care of.

Secondly, the baseboards are not completed. They are placed on the floor but not actually secured to the walls. This is not "complete".

Third, the electric heaters are either not hooked up, or are laying on the ground instead of hanging on the wall as they are supposed to be. I went to move my kitchen table from the front room, only to find that it is literally holding up the electric heater from falling over. I don't want to live with my kitchen table in the middle of the front room.

Lastly, the electric heater in the spare room is still constantly on. I received a note from you about two months ago stating that someone was coming to take a look at it, but nothing was ever done. I have basically been paying electricity for the heater ever since I've lived there. As this can get costly, this would need to be fixed since it's something I actually end up having to pay for.

And I do need to address one final concern. You called me last week to explain to me that your son Eric was in my apartment, saw something that he didn't like and threw it away. I can understand your need to be in there while the workers were there. I can understand that you may need to supervise and make sure that things are being done properly. What I have concern with is that your son was there with absolutely no legal reason. My belongings are there. My personal property. No matter how big or small, it is mine. That is a complete violation of my privacy, and I'm having a really hard time with the knowledge that my property is being abused.

Please let me know when the apartment is completely done. Not just the flooring and walls (which are done), but all the other things that need to be completed.

Thank you."

So what do you think? Not bad, huh? I said what I needed to say and hopefully nothing negative comes from it. Though I'm not sure what she can do since evicting me wouldn't exactly hurt. :)

Much Love!

I Have A Pet Peeve

Okay, really I have quite a few pet peeves. But in blogging and emailing and things of the sort, I come across a particular pet peeve of mine with increasing regularity. I'm not going to tell you what it is. I will write a normal blog and here's the game- can you pick up on my pet peeve without me pointing out what it is? Or better yet- can you count how many times I use this exact pet peeve of mine? This is a blog within a blog. Here we go..... (I'm going to try to make it pretty obvious.)

So my landlady said that my apartment is done. I went back their yesterday and went threw the place. It's not really actually done. The doors are off, there is white drywall chalk caked all over my stuff, all my lights are burned out, the baseboards aren't attached, the electric heat in the walls aren't attached, etc. It makes me fill like screaming! Good thing this is my last month dilling with this. I honestly don't think that any landperson should be aloud to treat there tenant with the complete lack of respect that I fill that I have received. Seriously. Like I'm a big fan of having strangers wandering in and out of my apartment without me being their.... I'm just so glad too be out of their soon. I actually broke down last night and bald like a baby. Witch as I've blogged about before, I hate doing. I just need to pack up and be done with it. Hopefully I can hurry it up while the whether is steal nice. Moving in the reign is not my idea of fun. I'm getting sum help cleaning so at least it will be livable at the end of the weak. I'm just filling really bothered these daze. Steal unsure of where I'm going or what to due. Won day at a time, Jessica. Won day at a time.....

End of game.

Much Love!