Yep, it's true.
I've been dedicating a minimum of an hour a day to cleaning up and moving stuff since I gave my notice. Since I'm throwing away so much, it's actually going pretty well. But then I got to the bathroom.....
First of all, the lighting in my bathroom is horrible. There's an itsy bitsy light that doesn't brighten much and a corner where they randomly threw the toilet that is dark and gloomy. It has always been dark and gloomy, but.....
Imagine what one would find when cleaning the darkened corners of the bathroom that hasn't been used in over two months.....
How about a billion of these:
I had been grabbing things off the floor that were haphazardly thrown there by the landlady and cleaning people during the whole construction fiasco when I noticed movement. Further scrutiny uncovered a giant pregnant spider that had almost attacked my hand. Now spiders aren't a big fear of mine. I don't LIKE them, per say, but I don't hate or fear them either. Unless they are HUGE and scary- and pregnant. Fortunately for me, I had a can of Raid on the kitchen counter due to previous spider infestations. The joys of living in a dark basement apartment....
Anyways, so I zapped the giant pregnant spider with a tiny bit of Raid in order to disorient it so that it wasn't able to cling to the towel and/or progress further towards my hand in vengeance. It was huge enough that it made an audible THUNK when it hit the floor. The idea was to squash it immediately after hitting the floor since I feel absolutely horrible by letting spiders die a long painful death from Raid suffocation. But, just after the audible THUNK, my cell phone rang. It was the people that were there to pick up my entertainment center that I so artistically illustrated yesterday. They came and picked up the entertainment center with my assistance since my muscles are so huge. I immediately went back to the dark and gloomy bathroom to find that the huge giant pregnant spider was no longer visable.....
I used the bottom of the can of Raid to squash around through things before picking them up to dispose of them. Into the bag more and more items go, still invisible is the giant pregnant spider. I grabbed the handle of a basket I had used for the toilet bowl cleaning brush and toilet bowl cleaner- and it lunged. Okay, it didn't actually lunge. But it did suddenly appear and with its enormous body started making its way towards my hand yet again. I immediately dropped the basket on the ground and watched as it climbed around with its long demonic legs. And then noticed MORE movement from ANOTHER dark corner, which also happened to be a spider. Not as large and not as obviously pregnant, but equally jarring. At this point, aware that I had probably just invaded a pit of arachnids, I blew. Needless to say, I emptied the entire can of Raid in the area and left.
I'm sure tonight I will find huge piles of spiders bodies as I return to the room of doom and gloom. I am a mass murderer.
Much Love!
Arizona. My little sister Emily got her mission call and opened it last night. I was supposed to be there, but spaced it since I was curled into a ball all day due to cramps. (TMI?) Tucson, Arizona. This is something that I have avoided talking about and thinking about. I love my entire family. I am very lucky since they really are all amazing people that I'm honestly close to. I don't have to pretend to like any of them. But Emily..... I was 8 years old when Emily was born and at that age, all I wanted to do was be her second mommy. I would try to beat my mom to Emily's crib when she was crying in the night. I'd hang out with Emily all the time. So there's this feeling that I have for Emily that I don't have with any of my other siblings. Including my older brother and sister who I grew up with. And Emily is leaving. I have mixed feelings. I do not consider myself a member of the LDS church. I don't follow the teachings and don't believe in those beliefs. But I have always been of the attitude of letting people be who they are and believe what they want- and support them in that. So I am so extremely proud of Emily for choosing to go on a mission. It's going to be such an exciting thing for her and I truly believe that she will have a great time and strengthen her views and beliefs. Which is excellent. But on the flip side- I don't want her to go. It's hard for me to imagine family dinners without her being there. It's hard for me to imagine not being able to call or text her whenever I feel like it. There's going to be a big piece of our family missing for a year and a half. And though it's for a good thing, it's still hard. And the thing is- she's leaving December 17th for the MTC. What in the world is Christmas going to be without her? And my hell- that's less than 2 months away! I need to adjust.
Montana. If things go the way they are looking, I'll be moving. Most likely to Montana. Michael is getting transferred and he's supposed to find out today where he is headed. And I have decided to go with him. The only possible problem is that some friends of his want to move to Montana, too. That in itself isn't the problem. I'd be glad that Michael would have some friends with him. The problem is that they may need a place to live for a while. Going from living by myself for 4 years to living with another person and another dog is an adjustment in itself. But there's absolutely no way that I could stand to live with Michael, 2 grown adults, two teenagers, two kids, an infant, FOUR dogs and some cats. I would NOT be able to stand it. So if Michael makes the decision to live with them, even until they get on their feet, I'm not going. When I say it like that, it makes me sound like I'm making him choose between them and me. Which is absolutely not the case. If I knew that I would be okay with all those people around, I would be absolutely fine with helping them out. But I know for a fact that there's no possible way that I could remain sane in that environment. I'm used to quiet. I'm used to my alone time. I'm used to walking around in my underwear. I hate interruptions and distractions and noise. And I'm a borderline insomniac. Do you see my dilema? So depending on whether this family finds a way to help themselves, I may or may not be moving. To Montana.
So there you have it. Two very big things that have been preying on my mind that I needed to just get out. I'm on shaky ground right now with my emotions. I'm fighting the stress that is trying to build up inside me. I'm taking herbal supplement type meds to help out with certain aspects of my psyche that need some fine-tuning. I keep alternating between feeling excited and optimistic, to feeling terrified and hopeless. At work I'm either pushing myself harder and harder, or sitting and staring out the window. I just really need to know what my immediate future holds. I can't prepare for it when it's unknown. I'm a coward when it comes to change until it happens. Once the change happens, I'm able to acclimate very well and adapt and adjust. But right now- when I know Emily is leaving but she hasn't gone yet- and when I know Michael is leaving with or without me but he/we haven't gone yet- this is when my anxiety comes out and parades itself down the Main Street of my mind.
But.... it also gives me an idea. I'm thinking it would be fun to have certain conversations on speaker-phone in public. About bodily functions. Or explicit details of someone's sex life. Or how the "operation" went. Or about the status of a rash. Or about the results of an STD test and if it is treatable. Or any other tabboo subject that no decent or sane person would talk about loudly on speaker-phone in public......
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