Again, an OLD blog I had.....
November 27th, 2006
I don't think that I believe in love anymore. I know that sounds skeptic and cynical. But I just don't. Nothing makes sense anymore and I doubt it ever will. My soulmate is my friend. So where do you go from there? How do you expect to take it further with someone else- how do you not compare that relationship with the relationship you had/have with your soulmate? I hate settling. The thought of settling makes me a bit sick to my stomach. But I suppose that's all there is to do, correct? I have met MANY people and dated around and tried to make things work with people. But when it all boils down, I just don't want to sacrifice anymore. I've sacrificed enough in my life and I really just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, but I can't. Enough of that.
So I had my yearly gynocologist appointment today. I always get my typical STD and HIV tests along with the rest. He asked me if I was worried about having an STD or HIV since I got tested last year I went. I let him know that NO- I wasn't worried. I'm pretty damn confident about my lack of "issues", if you will. Yet I still respect myself and other people enough to make sure that I'm clean. So I just explained to him that as a single woman who isn't in a "monogomous" relationship, I have to be sure. He actually gave me a compliment for that- he said that it was a great thing that I realize how I could impact others and how others could impact me and that he completely understands and is proud. My freaking gyno said he was proud of me! Hahaha! I think that's awesome. Another thing- I love talking to my doctor. How many men can a woman actually talk about cramping and her menstruation with and actually have them interested and listening? Um..... not very many. As much as I hate my yearly physical, I end up leaving feeling good.
So I get in to work today only to find out that my hard drive crashed. My computer was dead. And I lost everything. I had so many pictures on there, etc! I'm sad! I lost a lot! Though it WAS nice to be able to get paid for sitting around and talking to people drinking my coffee for 2 hours. And then updating my new computer for another 2 hours. Needless to say, my day went by fast since I only worked half of it. It was great!
OH MY GOD! I'm watching "The Bachelor". How pathetic is that? Okay, I'm officially going to start dressing in really ugly clothes and crocheting every night and taking up new arts and craft. Only sad people watch "The Bachelor". And get this- it's the last night or something (who knows) and BOTH of the two finalist chicks are blondes. Figures..... God- I really need to stop feeling angry about men. My best friends in the WORLD are men, so I really don't hate them. But as far as when it goes to the whole "dating" thing, I'm just not happy. No, I can't say that. I'm happy. Alone. I'm not happy with dating. Simple. Okay, I've pathetically just been focused on that tonight, so I'm going to get over it. For now.
Last item for the day: Goodnight. I'm not really going to bed but I'm going to stop writing useless crap. And go write more useless crap somewhere else.
Much love!
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1 comment:
The enigma that is the 'right' relationship will continue to vex us throughout the ages. I actually wonder how many people have settled and have unwittingly found someone they're happy with? Either very few or most and how could you know? Who would admit it? That's why it remains as a thought...but it still makes me wonder.
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