Voyerism

I must admit that I have voyeristic tendencies. Not necessarily in the sexual way, either. (Though if I'm being honest, my neighbors decided to have a "rendezvous" in their backyard as I was in mine- and I didn't exactly run inside. But that's a story for another day.....). But my point is that I'm a peeping tom and an eavesdropper. While walking or driving down the street, I look in the windows. When people are talking around me, I listen in on their conversations. I have spent some time analyzing this fact and trying to figure out where it comes from. And after discussing it with various people, I'm not the only one that does this. I think that we are all a little bit interested in strangers. Most of us don't let our curiousity take over, and we can hide it from others. Or at least make it less obvious....

When I listen to a conversation or look in a window, it's fascinating to me in the way that I wonder what it would be like to be the person, or know the person. What it would be like if I lived in that bedroom, ate in that kitchen, talked with those neighbors. I was just downstairs and found myself listening to a guy talk on his cell phone. Apparently, though he has almost perfect credit, he is having to declare bankruptcy. I know personal information about this stranger and by just knowing it makes me feel like I have some extra power. Not power that would actually be useful, like invisibility or the ability to fly. But power just the same.

I think that's why I love blogs so much. I love reading the thoughts in other people's heads and hearing about people's dreams and disappointments. Their families and friends. It makes me feel connected to strangers in the same voyeristic way as described above. I only "in real life" am actually really friends with four people on my blog list. The others are there for different reasons. Cameron makes me laugh. Rhett is a little boy with Down Syndrome. That One Guy is a friend of a friend of a friend whose words I enjoy. Even Jenn. I have absolutely no idea who this girl is, but I love reading her blogs. It's like I'm getting to know people without actually having to get to know them.

So then I wonder- am I interesting? I think I'm a little bit interesting in my calmly neurotic way. I'm a little bit different, a little bit anti-social. I find myself intentionally NOT writing about some things as I'm the only one that it would be entertaining for. But there's the thing- am I really writing this blog for other people to read? Or am I writing this blog for myself? I think it's a combination of the two. I write about some things that I just simply want to write about, yet try to make it a slight bit more entertaining than I normally would if I didn't know someone would probably end up reading it. What do people think about when they read the thoughts coming out of my head? How do I come across? Too neutoric? Not neurotic enough? Funny? Boring? And then this- does it really matter????

Back to blogs- there's an article on KSL (see here) about a girl that wrote a blog and is now a little bit famous locally due to pizza issues. She's getting her 15 minutes of fame, plus some. And good for her! It's humorous to me, though. Here's a girl that is just another person like me. Another person who tends to blend into the world in obscure anonymity. And then BOOM! She's a must-read blogger. And I wonder. Would I like that? Would that bother me? Would it affect any future writing if I had more of an audience? Would I even care?

Sorry, guys. Today is a day of self-introspection. I apologize for dragging you all into my psychological evaluation of myself.

Anyways, so that's why I read so many blogs. I'll click on a friend's link and then one of THEIR friends links and so on and so forth until I come across something that captures my attention. A blog that has even one little thing in it that I can relate to. Mostly I won't put them as a link, since that still feels a little too stranger-stalkerish. (Yes, I made that up.) Almost like I'm asking people for more public recognition of a blog written by someone that I have never talked to or met in my life. It seems a little much. Yet, they are blogging on the internet.....

So here's what it boils down to:
I am a voyer. I read your thoughts and take them in with interest. If you are talking on the phone around me, I will listen to your conversation and take it in with interest. If you leave your curtains open and the lights on, I will casually glance around (from the distance of the street, of course) and take it in with interest. I am a voyer. But as I write my own thoughts and feelings and beliefs- am I not a bit of an exhibitionist, as well?

Much Love!