Friday, January 22, 2010

Tourist? Never.

A question that people always ask others when you are getting to know them (which I'm noticing more now that I'm back in the dating scene) is: Have you ever travelled outside of the country?

It seems as if that is a defining question. As if a person is defined as a traveler, or not a traveler. Or defined as adventurous or not adventurous. So on and so forth.

I have never travelled. I've only been to a few states in the US itself, and have never needed a passport. I've never even been to Mexico. I suppose I just never had the money to travel, and now that I'm financially stable, none of my friends are. As confident as I am with my ability to be alone, travelling out of the country by my lonesome does not appeal. On top of that, I have no desire to be a tourist. To be more specific in regards to Europe in particular- I have absolutely no desire to visit Paris, or any trendy place to be a tourist.

If I were to ever head outside of the USA, my destinations would be more historical in nature. The attic where Anne Frank and family stayed. The museum demonstrating the obliteration of Pompei. The Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum. The Pyramids of Egypt. Etc. Sure, it would be grand and fun to see the sights shown in pictures and movies. The landmarks we've all seen so many times through technology. But that does not interest me. Mindless tourism doesn't do it for me.

But... there is one place that I would love to visit just for fun. Italy. Florence, Rome, Venice. If I ever get there, however, it is not going to be a random American just coming to take a look. My goal for Italy is to actually learn Italian. Actually rent an apartment instead of staying in a hotel. Actually spending a decent amount of time there. I'd get "in" with the locals. Find the amazing and interesting locally-knows hot spots and landmarks. More like temporarily live there instead of just in-and-out quick visiting. To me, that would be more meaningful than anything else.

I found some websites online that "teach" free Italian. But free doesn't mean good. I looked into the Rosetta Stone thing, but it's super expensive. So I guess I'll just keep looking it up and cross my fingers that I eventually find something that's good. Being fluent in Italian is a goal. It's good to have a goal.

That's all for now. It's just been on my mind with the whole dating "getting to know you" game.

Much Love!

Thursday, January 14, 2010


I feel like I NEED to blog, but don't have anything substantial to say. It's quite odd. Feeling the need to write something down, but unable to single out a thought from a scrambling mind....

I miss Montana. Not because of Michael, but because Montana is slow. Meaning people drive slow, people move slow, life is slow. I liked that. I liked that a lot. I'm not a person that is happy with a fast-paced world. I like to stop and smell the roses, if you will. And it just seems like back here in Utah, it's all GO GO GO GO GO GO GO. Make something of yourself! Be as social as you possibly can! Date! Drive! Run! Etc.....

I don't like expectations.

I suppose it's mostly that I have a hard time depending on people, as well as having a hard time being depended on. I love and care. It's true. But it takes a lot for me to actually come out of my shell (my Crab shell, apparently) and be a support system to anyone else. I feel like I'm attempting a backflip on a balance beam without any experience. I don't know how to balance out my independence with admitting that I need anyone. And I don't know how to balance out my caring and love to others without being too protective or too judgemental of others that may hurt those that I love, while also ignoring their phone calls because "I'm not in the mood to talk".

Basically, I am just one confused and probably misunderstood woman. I have a plan in place to figure out what is bothering me. I have something going on to help me know what I need to do. My last few blogs have been about missing parts of me. I am going to find those missing parts. I am going to grow and learn and experience and love.

And to clarify- I am not sad. I am not living in self-pity for anything. I am not depressed. I am just contemplating life, which is a habbit of mine. (And actually should be a habbit to all.....)

Anyways, I just wanted to blab for a bit on how I miss the "newness" (did I just make up that word???) of Montana, and that I am still constantly trying to find my own place in this existence we call "The World".

Much Love!