Thursday, May 22, 2008

The "Thing"

I knew it. That "thing" I mentioned below that happened on Sunday turned out to be just another thing to add to the list of things I've done wrong in my life. The "thing" was this: Michael and I went to grab some coffee on Sunday. Where during the day and on the phone in the evening, he pretty much declared his undying love for me, that he misses me, that he can't see himself with anyone else- you can imagine the rest. Now a SMART person would remember how he left things earlier. With not even a full "goodbye" and then pulling a disappearing act. See, a SMART person wouldn't want to set themselves up for further heartbreak. I suppose I'm not one of those SMART people. I told him that I can't just jump right back into where we were, but that could start over and if he wants, he should ask me out on a date. He did and our second first date (get it?) was set for tonight. WAS being the past tense. Apparently, hauling his friends camping stuff to where they are all camping this weekend is more important that rekindling a relationship with me. I don't rate on any priority list for him. Isn't that nice? Doesn't that make you happy for me? On Sunday after we got off the phone, I cried. I cried because I knew that I was putting my heart in danger again and it scared the living shit out of me. It seemed too good to be true that Michael wanted to try and work things out with us and see where it lead. And it WAS too good to be true. I do appreciate that we were able to talk and temporarily make a possible chance for a possible future. And I do appreciate that he didn't just not show tonight for our date, at least he let me know ahead of time. But it makes me realize that I'd never come first with him. I'd never be the girl that he'd sacrifice for. I'd never be the girl that is his everything. I'd never be the girl that he is willing to do things that make him just a little uncomfortable for. I'd never be the girl that he opens up to. I mean, if after all this time of us being apart and him coming back to me, you'd think that something would have changed from the first time, right? But I guess it would just be the same thing all over again. I did tell him that I'm not completely writing him off, but that I can't put any more energy into it. That if anything happens in the future with us, he is going to be the one to make the effort. So here I sit, realizing that it's a little sad that I let the same man break my heart twice in two months in different degrees. So either I'm just a dumb girl that keeps going back to the same man time and time again, or I'm an optimist that thinks that things can really work out, or I'm a weak person that can't say "no" to the man that she loves, or........ I'm just praying and hoping that he doesn't let it get to the point where there is absolutely no chance for us whatsoever. I guess pathetically enough, I haven't given up all hope. But at the same time, I can't sit around waiting for things to happen. I have my life and will embrace it for what it is. I can honestly say that I know myself and like myself. So as sad as Michael makes me sometimes, I am stronger because of it. And if nothing comes of our "relationship", then at least I can say that I did everything I could to make it work. I tried my hardest and if nothing comes of it, I will have the satisfaction in knowing that I stayed true to myself and didn't settle for being treated less than I deserve. Any future with Michael rests solely in his hands at this point. So I guess the question is- Will he use that power? Or let it fizzle out and die a slow death? Only time will tell and until then, I'm living my life.

So I emailed my mom to talk about the above situation and she sent me an email with funny anti-men sayings on them. I'm posting them here:

The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men. ~Lupe Velez

God gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time. ~Robin Williams

The only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys. ~Author Unknown

There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance. ~Author Unknown

Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with. ~Author Unknown

Did you hear about the baby born with organs of both sexes? It had a penis and a brain. ~Author Unknown

I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself. ~Yoko Ono

Three wise men - are you serious? ~Author Unknown

If they can put one man on the moon why can't they put them all there? ~Chocolate Waters

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. ~Madame de Staƫl

Sometimes, Mothers know just what to do to make you smile! Haha!

So good news on my friend Jarad. He just found out today that he got the job he'd applied for and wanted really bad in Seattle! Yes, it's sad for me that he's moving but it's going to be such a good thing for him! I'm excited for his new adventure. We are going to celebrate this weekend somehow. It's funny because I have the entire weekend AND Monday off and I usually have tons of plans on weekends. But this weekend I don't have anything except for my sister's CD release party on Saturday. And I'm actually looking forward to having so much time to do whatever I want with. Granted, I'll hang out with Jarad and am supposed to get together with Rachelle at some point and Hailey and Reid want me to go with them to Jim and Mary's for hot-tubbing. So there's plenty to do, but nothing officially planned. I'm just going to play it by ear.

Speaking of my sister's CD release party- I'm so excited!! She is going to be playing her songs from her CD (one of them she wrote for little old me) and mingle and hang out. It's at my parent's house and I invited a ton of people. Most people are going out of town for Memorial Day weekend, but I do know for sure of 8 people other than me that are going, at least for a little bit. It's going to be so exciting to see my sister in all her glory. She's got amazing talent, seriously. And NOT just because she's my sister as I'd love her music even if she was a complete stranger.

So I've been thinking about something completely off the wall today. Jack the Ripper. Do you think that he's such a infamous guy because he was never caught so there's the mystery about it? Or do you think it's because his crimes were so extremely violent and bloody? Stabbing and mutilating is such an attention-grabbing thing that it just jumps out at you. But really- would any of us even have heard of this murderer from 1888 in London if they ever found out who the perpetrator was? I don't think so. I'm actually wierd in the way that I really like reading about true crime and serial killers and all that. But not only recent modern ones in America, but serial killers from other countries in other time periods. So I actually may have read about the killings if there was an "end", but I highly doubt that as many people would know about it if he was found and punished. Sorry, I know that was really wierd but I've been thinking about it today for some reason.

Anyways, I gotta go.

Much love!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Day Of Shaking

I've been shaking all day today. It's been quite the ride and I can actually feel my body tiring out due to everything.

First- I drank WAY too much coffee this morning. I woke up exhausted (mostly due to my inability to sleep the past two nights due to a particular emotional ride I've been on the past 2 days). So using caffeine as a cruch I "woke up". But by the time I was awake enough, I'd had so much coffee that I was wired and shaking.

Second- I had a court appearance today. Now keep in mind that though I haven't really done anything wrong, it's still so completely nerve-wracking. Basically I've been going every 90 days or so since I was sentenced and they just review your status of everything you are supposed to be doing and make sure that you are in "compliance" with it all. I've obviously been working hard on getting everything done that I can and at this point I have completed everything that they asked of me. There are a couple ongoing things that won't be done until the end up my probation but those aren't an issue. Anyways, it always scares me to death to go to court. For no reason other than it's COURT. You have to stand up in front of a bunch of people who are clinging on to your every word since they themselves are all nervous and trying to distract themselves from their own shakes. So ALL DAY today I've been shaking with nervousness and my stomach clenched in knots. I walk in to court at 1:30 and see this cool lady that I've run into a few times for DUI stuff. Sat down next to her and we joked around and chit-chatted for a bit until the court clerk came out and started running through people. Everyone is so serious and quiet that it's even scarier! She gets to me and I get up there in front of everyone. Marsha, my old counselor through the DUI Agency (who happens to love me) said "There should be a non-compliance note there", meaning that I didn't do something that I was supposed to do. I look in shock at Marsha and damnit- she's laughing! Then the court clerk says "I don't see it" and then realizes that Marsha is laughing and so SHE starts laughing. So I say loudly "Marsha, stop picking on me!". Which makes the county clerk laugh even harder, and everyone in the court then starts laughing. Apparently, I was quite the comedian in court. So then the court clerk goes through everything that I've done and tells me that she doesn't need me to come back for any more reviews since I've been doing so well. She asks Marsha if she feels that there is any reason for me to come back. I look back at Marsha and point at her and wag my finger in the "Bad girl!" gesture as she sits there quietly. And then Marsha, the court clerk, and the "audience" all start laughing again. Marsha obviously says she doesn't see a reason for me to come back and off I go with no future court reviews. Wahoo! While walking to get my stuff everyone is smiling at me and still giggling a bit. I hear my name and lo and behold- my friend's mom is in court. We talked for a second and then I left. You KNOW it's a small world when in DUI court, you run into someone you know. So that was done and over with and the shakes were slowly subsiding.

AND THEN- Hailey, Amy and I went outside for a cigarette. When riding the elevator back up, it suddenly dropped and then somehow caught itself. I seriously thought we were going to plummet to the bottom of the elevator shaft! My heart starts pounding, the adrenaline kicks in, and off course- the shakes come back. At least this time I wasn't the only one shaking since it freaked out Hailey and Amy, too. I'm not talking a little shifting or anything. It literally just stopped VERY suddenly and then dropped a ways. It scared the crap out of all of us. We reported it to the receptionist so she can maybe get someone to look at it so it doesn't kill anyone or anything. Hahaha!

So anyways, it's been a day of shaking.

And something happened on Sunday which I'm not ready to talk about yet as I need to work it out in my head first. And that has gotten me all twisted up and anxious. This "thing" has the possibility of being a really wonderful "thing", but it's a lot for my brain to deal with right now. So that doesn't help with all my stress of late.

Anyways, I'm going to take some Tylenol since my head is killing me and then I'm going to go home and do absolutely nothing. Because damnit, I can.

Much love!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Did You Eat My Highlighter?

My beautiful yellow work highlighter is missing. It's not an issue because I just have to take a few steps from my desk and meander over to the storage room and grab a new one. Which is always an adventure in itself because I always spend a few minutes perusing around to see if I can find a new discovery. Now don't mock, people. There are some amazing finds I have made while in the depths of the storage room. For example, I once found a wonderous new staple remover which looks more like a pen and works beautifully! And I once found a new white-out contraption that isn't liquid in the bottle- you just hold the thing down on the paper, push, and drag. Amazing! As we are a "paperless environment" at work, I have yet to use it. Though I HAVE used it unofficially- whiting out a paper I'm about to throw away just because I want the white-out contraption to feel special and important. Nevertheless...... My highlighter is missing and the first thought that came into my head was "Did you eat my highlighter?" There is an explanation for this thought that will set your mind at ease and possibly convince you of my sanity. Or insanity. Anyways, when I'm at home with Sunni, I talk to her a lot. Out loud. I pretend that she knows what I'm saying and is completely fascinated by the discussions that I have with her. Everyday that I get home from work, we have our "cuddle time". I go straight to the couch and she'll climb all over me before squashing her little head into the pillows. And I'll ask her "Were you a good girl today? Yes, you are such my good girl! I love you, too, baby. Yes, that's my girl." And various things of that nature. She loves it. Sometimes I'll even talk to her right when I walk in the door- and say "Who is that? Is that my baby girl? It couldn't possibly be my baby girl, could it? Yes it is!". And then proceed to the couch for "cuddle time". One thing that I always find myself saying (and I have NO idea where it came from) is "Did you eat my -insert missing object here- ?". If I can't find my cell phone, I ask Sunni if she ate it. If I can't find a pair of socks, I ask Sunni if she ate them. If I can't find my coat, I ask Sunni if she ate it. My car keys, my towel, etc. Now Sunni doesn't eat things. She ate a flip-flop of mine once when she was a puppy, and I can't leave dirty underwear within her reach, but she's never eaten anything else other than food. So why I ask her if she ate things is beyond me. And even MORE wierd is that if she WERE to be the type of dog that chewed things, would she really EAT my car keys? I mean, seriously!
So there you have it- Sunni must have eaten my highlighter at my work even though I never bring it home and she never comes here.......

(Yes, I figured out how to add URLs to my blog and have a feeling I will become addicted to it and every other word will be a link. Not really.)

So I'm going to a BBQ tonight. Wahoo! After getting off work I need to stop at the store and get some chicken and potato salad. I LOVE it when the weather is nice and being outside without freezing is possible. I'm such an outdoorsy chica that summer is my absolute favorite season. And though it's not officially summer, I'll gladly take the 90 degree weather that is in the forecast. My goal this weekend is to be outside as much as possible. This is going on this weekend and I'd like to hit it up. And Sunday is Adventure Day with Dave so we will find something exciting to do outside. Though I'm a lazy person in general, I do hate being cooped up in a house. So after a long cold winter, I purposely find anything outside that's possible to do. The sun is my bestest buddy.

I know that I usually wax poetic and bring up deep thoughts a lot, but I'm just in a good, hyper mood today which means that no deep-thinking is happening inside this brain of mine. And I also think that I over-use the comma and the dash. I tried counting how many times I've used them in just this blog but lost track. I take full responsibility for any spelling or grammatical errors. I don't even use spell-check. I sent an email yesterday inviting people to the BBQ at Hailey's house since she was out yesterday and wanted to invite people before today. I told everyone to "bring your own mean". And that in itself is funny because even if I DID use spell-check, "mean" is a word and wouldn't have flagged me. So there's going to be a bunch of people tonight bringing their own mean. You go with your bad self!

Oh my goodness oh my goodness- I still have TWO hours left here! Speaking of which, I really need to bring my video camera around with me everywhere this summer. I got some great videos last year of things- like Gene Gene the Dancing Machine, the naked baby, my boys (Dave, Billy, and Spencer) at the Rock 'N Ribs thing, my boys (Dave and Billy) at the cabin being silly, etc. It's fun to go back and look at things we did in the past. It's like a documentary of certain events in my life. So I better get charging the camera up again so that I can capture more silly moments of my life on tape. And as for the train of thought leading from the first line in this paragraph to the second line in this paragraph: "Oh my goodness oh my goodness!" is from the movie Annie. I have a video of Billy passionately singing an Annie song. Video equals video camera. See? There's a method to my madness.

Okay, I'm now down to the last 15 minutes. I have actually worked my little ass off today and feel like it's a job well done. And I deserve to relax and eat some BBQ with friends by the fire pit. Ah..... perfect. I better get some loose ends taken care of before I leave, so farewell. Until we meet again.....

Much love!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Text Inbox Conversation

I am super busy at work so can't really keep this updated as often as I'd like. I do have things I'd like to ramble about but work DOES take priority when I'm actually AT work. Hahaha! Anyways, I was going through all the messages in my text inbox and in reading the texts in order, it sounded amusing. So here's my non-sensical text inbox conversation:

"Come hang out. Ok or not. Yes I do. Do you know I love you? Yes, I have no doubt. Your welcome. What are you doing now? Very good life! Babe, I love ya! LOL. Apples to Apples. Yip. Yikes! You feel better now? Good move. I hope that goes well, man. Sweet. God, I hate women. Or anywhere. No doubt. Yeah.... That's awesome! Rrrrr.... No.... Do I?"

Funny how it sounds when all put together.

Anyways, that's all I have time for today. Will try to actually get some words typed up tomorrow.

Much love!

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Like Government Stimulation

I decided to stop with the whole "calendar" thing as it's been too long between posts to actually remember what I did every day for the past however long. I'll just write about anything interesting.

Anyways, I have news for everyone. You know all about the pain and frustration of paper cuts, am I correct? Horrible little menacing cuts that always find themselves in very uncomfortable places, like where your finger bends, or the skin between your fingers, or right on the tip of a finger which hurts everytime you use that finger to type. Well..... there is also such a thing as a tin-foil cut. I know, I know. That's just silly, right? Ladies and gentlemen, it's true. While eating my delicious gyro from Apollo Burger that my coworker Cindy picked up for me, it happened. Right in the middle of my upper lip. Ouch! Now everytime I smile I can feel it break a little bit. I got my revenge, though, by scrunching up the tinfoil into a little ball and then ripping it into pieces. As the saying goes, "A woman scorned......". Hahaha!

The other day I did something a little unusual for me...... I actually bought myself something! I'll give you a moment to get over your collective shock.......................... Okay. I've never been the most technological person and barely understand the concept of the mysterious devil called "email". Well, maybe not THAT bad. But anyways, I'm always the last person to get a cell phone or the internet at home or..... an MP3 player. On a whim, (and after realizing that I received my $600 economy stimulus where I would feel so very unpatriotic if I didn't do SOMETHING for the economy other than pay bills) I did some research and found my very own MP3 player!! Wahoo! Ran to the store, found it with the help of the salesguy and then bought it without hesitation. Receiving 10% off for flirting shamelessly with the salesguy, naturally. Check out my new baby. The pic is it standing up next to a mere 12-oz can of Pepsi. I already know that you are impressed, so no words of pride and wonderment are needed. I'm loving it when I take Sunni on walks. Instead of listening to "pant pant pant pant" from a chubby dog, I hear some of my favorite songs. It's glorious, I tell you.
So Mother's Day was yesterday. I had a really good time. Went over to my parent's house and took my older sister out to lunch. Then the whole family went to the cemetary to my grandma's grave since as she died last September. The rest of the family left and I wandered over to try to find my OTHER grandma's grave (in the same cemetary) and called my Kansas mom. It's a tradition that I started a while back and it's actually really cool. I get to talk to my mom while sitting at HER mom's grave. Unfortunately, I wandered all over the cemetary and couldn't find it. But still, it's the thought that counts, right? Then I called my brother to wish him Happy Birthday since incidentally, his birthday landed on Mother's Day this year. We had a GREAT conversation. I love that guy. One thing that we discussed is our views on life and relationships. And I realized that though Michael hurt me, I don't regret one second of our relationship. Just as it is with ANY past relationship that I've had. People come into your life for a reason and they stay in your life for as long as they were meant to. Just because things don't work out doesn't mean that it wasn't important or that it's a bad experience. After finally getting through the grieving process on the death of my relationship with Michael, I do feel grateful that it was there for the 7 months that it was. I learned a lot, I loved a lot and I am glad for every second of it. The same goes for other past relationships and friendships that disolved. I'm a lucky girl for even getting the chance to have those relationships. I honestly and truly believe that. Dear God- am I getting some of my optimism back? :)
Last week one day, I got home from work and had a package on my doorstep. Turns out that it was from the sweetheart Billy. He sent me a card (just saying "Hi!") with a CD that he thought I'd like. How in the world did I get such amazing friends? How many people have a friend like Billy who would randomly send me something just to say "Hi!" and that he was thinking about me? How many people have a friend like Dave who will answer the phone and talk to me even when he is asleep and exhausted? How many people have a friend like Hailey who practically adopts me for an entire weekend just because she wants to spend that much time with me? How many people have a friend like Scott who will walk my dog with me even though we had originally planned on being lazy at the coffee shop, just because he was asked? How many people have a friend like Jarad who will drive all the way to SLC from Provo just to take me to dinner and turn around and drive back? How many people have a friend like Joe who will let me shamelessly cry on their shoulder and then never mention it again, knowing that it embarassed me? I could go on and on and on, and this isn't even going into all the wonderful things that my family does for me. I'm sorry to go off, it's just that I have been thinking a lot lately about being "alone" and have finally come to the conclusion that I'm never "alone". There are so many wonderful people in my life that love me and care about me. It really makes me take a look at myself in those dark nights when I feel depression creeping up. Good and loving and special people don't waste their true friendships on people that aren't also good and loving and special. So since I'm surrounded by good and loving and special people, I have to accept that I, myself, may also be a good and loving and special person. And the thought of that makes me smile and give myself a bit more credit and allow me to feel a bit more complete within myself. That is priceless.
Wow, that was a bit serious there, huh? I've just been doing a LOT of thinking and have realized so much about myself in the past month that... BEWARE! Further self-analyzations and optimistic melodrama and ponderous observations will be sure to pop up every here and there.
Okee dokee, my loves. I'm going to finish up my workday, go home to grab Sunni, do two laps around the park, clean my house, watch a movie, and go to bed. Unless something else pops up like they tend to do.
Much love!
PS. I have spent WAY too much time trying to get this thing to show up in paragraphs instead of one giant run-on paragraph but Blogspot is not wanting me to appear the slightest bit educated. So that's the explanation for the lack of separate paragraphs and for the funky new typing- so you can separate the paragraphs. Sorry!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Goodbye Forever

Calendar: 5/1- Nothing 5/2- Dena's, then Ben's houses 5/3- Hailey and Reid's House 5/4- Hailey and Reid's House 5/5- Took Sunni to park

So I finally got my closure. A bit pathetic that I had to literally FORCE it, but I got it just the same. And have learned some things about myself, or was reminded about myself things that I already knew. Here are some of those things:

*Being rejected as a friend is much more painful than being rejected as a lover
*If you can't be your true self around someone, it's NOT going to work
*Love can be a major farce
*Friends are the absolute greatest
*I miss the random kisses and hand-holding most out of everything so apparently, that's my favorite part of a relationship
*There's a bit of comfort for me when I'm alone. I'm used to it, so it's actually a lot easier for me to NOT be in a relationship
*I am not trapped
*I can make positive things happen for myself if I believe that positive things will happen
*Any relationship will only work if both parties can go by the Golden Rule
*I am stronger today than I was yesterday, and will be even stronger tomorrow
*Crying and feeling sad is okay, there are no expectations on emotion

There are many more but I'm actually REALLY needing to get some work done as I've been in meetings all day.

I apologize for the boring blog today but really have to jet.

Much love!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Are You Busy Tonight?

Calendar: 4/25- Hailey and Reid's/Dan 4/26- Hailey and Reid's 4/27- Adventure Day with Dave 4/28- Nada 4/29- Watched Jazz Game w/ Hailey and Reid 4/30- Dinner and Shopko browsing with Celeste and Brit

Yes, it's been a while. I haven't written since Friday and am now scowling internally at myself (which let me tell you, is a little hard to do) for failing to achieve my goal of pointlessly blathering on and on over computer on an internet site that nobody is actually reading. But heck, it took God seven days to make the world, right? Though I'm not sure how much that has to do with me writing blogs everyday, it at least makes me smile in comparison. Not that I'm comparing myself to God. You know what? I'm just going to shut up now. Sometimes I need to remember that some of the things that run marathons in my head should just stay there. Ah.... bliss.

Anyways. Dave and I did a sort-of Adventure Day on Sunday. Mini golf, the Gateway, a movie. I sometimes forget how fun it is to sing loudly in a crowd of people, to pretend to be asleep in the tents at Dicks Sporting Goods, to hit my golf ball off the course over and over again, to just relax and HAVE FUN. Which actually brings up a point that I will discuss later. First, I want to thank Dave for feeding into my craziness and not being embarrased when I say or do something that is so completely off the wall. In fact, he actually seems to genuinely enjoy it. Moving on, we were at the Gateway and everything was closing but we weren't ready to call it a day yet. That's where the movie idea came from as it was just about the only thing open. Wanting to find the NEXT movie as we didn't want to just loiter around a closed shopping center, we only had two options. One, we'd never heard of. We inquired about the "plot" of the movie from the gray-haired older gentleman at the ticket counter. He read us the description which all I heard was "Accountant" and "Sex Club". Sold! He then mentioned the other movie that was starting immediately which just happened to be "Leatherheads" or whatever it's called. Trying to go for the shock value, I proclaim loudly "I'd take a sex club over football ANY day!". Dave laughs and quietly informs that ticker-seller dude "That's why she's with me." And then guess what? To my surprise and pleasure, the gray-haired-older-ticker-seller-gentleman-dude looks right at me and without blinking an eye asks "Do you have a sister?" Ah- a like minded spirit! Just another reminder that you can't judge a book by its cover, first impressions aren't always correct, assuming makes an ass out of u & me, or any other cliche sound bite which may apply. The gray-haired-older-ticket-seller-gentleman-dude was not what I expected him to be, and I love him for it.

Back to my point that was mentioned in the above paragraph: I think that it's entirely possible to love someone and be exactly who you ARE without hiding pieces. I think that it's wonderful when you meet someone that you don't need to hold back any part of yourself from. I think that's the way it should be. And in thinking back, I realize that there WERE parts of myself that I never exposed to Michael. He never got to see the crazy singing in a crowd of people Jessica. He never got to see me just let my hair down and act and react with no holds barred. Michael was a fun person in his own way. But he was never really the crazy attention-grabbing fun that I truly like to be. Because of this, I never felt comfortable saying certain things or doing certain things when I was with him. My jokes always fell flat, so I quit telling them. My spontaniety always felt forced, so I quit being spontaneous. And I find that quite sad. I realize that I was usually on my best behavior with him in the fear that if I let it all out, he'd reject me. I think that in itself shows one main underlying issue: I FEAR relationships. Not only am I horrible at them, but I FEAR them. A huge part of that, I admit, is my own feeling of self-inadequacy. Obviously, that's something that I need to work on internally. But another part of it is the complete distrust. I don't feel comfortable putting my full trust into a relationship as it always ends up in the inevitable position of me yet again nursing my broken heart. But here's the complete irony: Do we maybe think that one reason I end up nursing my broken heart time and time again is that I DON'T put blind faith into the relationship? But then again, that's just a Catch-22. Putting blind faith into a relationship hasn't worked in the past so I became a little hardened. But NOT putting blind faith into a relationship doesn't work either. And if I had put blind trust into my relationship with Michael, would that have actually changed ONE thing about it?... Can we all say "Stuck" in unison? Ah.... back to the single life I go, merrily merrily all the way home.

My goodness- I'm sick and tired of analyzing myself and analyzing relationships and analyzing where I went wrong with Michael, but I can't seem to help it. Though it really makes me feel like I'm in back in high school to be concentrating so hard on a guy and dating. To fight the good fight, I'm moving on for the day.....

So I have come to the conclusion today that I, personally, control the weather. Now don't all rush me at once with your weather requests, it doesn't work like that. It works like this: In waking up today I decided that as I'm rebellious by nature, I refuse to wear shoes. Yes, it was snowing and raining. But as I stood there contemplating my footwear for the day, all the regular shoe shoes were sticking their tongues out at me (PUN INTENDED). A glance at my flip-flops shows that they were anxiously waiting to be worn with their open manner and playful attitudes. So in spite of the rain and snow, the flip-flops won the mental coin toss. And as I look outside my perch on the fifth floor of my office building, I can see the sun shining. Yep, I control the weather. What a glorious adventure this will be.....

Here's just a cute pic of Sunni after playing in the snow this winter before I turned her into a nudist via the groomer. I felt like making my blog a bit more personal so will try to throw in a picture every now and then. Gotta challenge my creative side, don't you think? I apologize for the poor quality of the picture itself. My over three-year-old phone just doesn't compete with the newer and more excitingly technological phones people have these days. I have been qualified for a new phone for a while, but why fix what isn't broken? My old phone is like a good friend or old lover, we've been through a lot together. Hahaha!

Dave and I have recruited his hilariously funny brother Joey to join us on our Adventure Days. If you think Dave and I can be crazy on our own, just Watch Out! Good times of not caring what people think are on their way. If only I didn't need assistance with not caring what people think......

Okee dokee, pokey. I had better be signing off for the day as I've got me some work to do. Then home for wonderful night of eating ice cream and watching chick flicks with my baby girl Sunni. Ah, the simple joys freedom can bring.

Much love!