Friday, August 29, 2008


I am so happy that it's Friday. And not only is it Friday, but it's a LONG weekend! Not that I have any plans whatsoever, which actually makes me feel a little lonely. But still, it's Friday.

My landlady called and my apartment is done. I'm "moving back" this weekend. Only to live there for a month while packing up all my stuff just to move out officially. With nowhere to go after that. Yes, ladies and gentlemen- it appears that I will be the 29-year-old single white female who has to stay with her parents for a month or two. The shame! But heck, we do what we have to do. Why don't I just go find a new apartment, you ask? Well, remember me talking about how I've got some big decisions to make? There is a possibility of me moving to Kansas to live with my mom there. That's not a choice that can be made lightly, and I need some time to think about it. So I'll be staying with my dad until I decide direction I want my life to go. I don't want to sign a lease on an apartment only to realize that moving to Kansas is something that I really want. But I may not even decide to move there. So there you have it.

I went to a sex toy party and they handed out these little rubber pencil tops in the shape of a penis. I thought they were funny, and ended up putting mine on a light switch at my house. It's been there so long that I have completely forgotten about it. When my landlady called to tell me the apartment was done, she said
"Oh, and you know that green plastic thing on your light switch?"
It took me a minute to even realize what she was talking about.
"Oh, yah", I said.
She said "Well, I had left it there the whole time all the workers were there. I think they'd look at me with a twinkle in their eye since it's my house. Well, Eric (her slightly autistic son that I hate) saw it and once he realized what it was, grabbed it and threw it in the garbage. He said that you shouldn't have it. I'd replace it, but I don't know where to find one."
I replied "I completely forgot about it and it's not a big deal."
So we are fine with that, except when I give her my notice, that's going to be something I use. That no matter what it is, my privacy and property has been violated. That there was no reason for Eric to be in my apartment in the first place. That I don't feel like I can trust that my personal space is my personal space anymore. Sound good, people?

Yesterday was Michael's Birthday. He left to go camping after I went to work yesterday so I knew I wouldn't see him. I'm taking him out to lunch or dinner on Monday to celebrate and give him his gifts. But I DID try to be cute..... I bought him a piece of Oreo cake, a box of candles, matches, a card, and his favorite jalepeno stuffed olives (YUCK). Wrapped it all with a bow and left it on the counter for him. I wanted him to feel special since he told me that none of his friends and only a few family members ever remember his birthday. (Great friends.....) Hopefully it made him feel a little bit loved on the day he was born. I like being cute sometimes. It's the romantic in me, what can I say?

I will leave you with a video clip from the UK show "Balls of Steel". Pranks and the like. Makes me giggle.

Much Love!

Monday, August 25, 2008


I must admit that I have voyeristic tendencies. Not necessarily in the sexual way, either. (Though if I'm being honest, my neighbors decided to have a "rendezvous" in their backyard as I was in mine- and I didn't exactly run inside. But that's a story for another day.....). But my point is that I'm a peeping tom and an eavesdropper. While walking or driving down the street, I look in the windows. When people are talking around me, I listen in on their conversations. I have spent some time analyzing this fact and trying to figure out where it comes from. And after discussing it with various people, I'm not the only one that does this. I think that we are all a little bit interested in strangers. Most of us don't let our curiousity take over, and we can hide it from others. Or at least make it less obvious....

When I listen to a conversation or look in a window, it's fascinating to me in the way that I wonder what it would be like to be the person, or know the person. What it would be like if I lived in that bedroom, ate in that kitchen, talked with those neighbors. I was just downstairs and found myself listening to a guy talk on his cell phone. Apparently, though he has almost perfect credit, he is having to declare bankruptcy. I know personal information about this stranger and by just knowing it makes me feel like I have some extra power. Not power that would actually be useful, like invisibility or the ability to fly. But power just the same.

I think that's why I love blogs so much. I love reading the thoughts in other people's heads and hearing about people's dreams and disappointments. Their families and friends. It makes me feel connected to strangers in the same voyeristic way as described above. I only "in real life" am actually really friends with four people on my blog list. The others are there for different reasons. Cameron makes me laugh. Rhett is a little boy with Down Syndrome. That One Guy is a friend of a friend of a friend whose words I enjoy. Even Jenn. I have absolutely no idea who this girl is, but I love reading her blogs. It's like I'm getting to know people without actually having to get to know them.

So then I wonder- am I interesting? I think I'm a little bit interesting in my calmly neurotic way. I'm a little bit different, a little bit anti-social. I find myself intentionally NOT writing about some things as I'm the only one that it would be entertaining for. But there's the thing- am I really writing this blog for other people to read? Or am I writing this blog for myself? I think it's a combination of the two. I write about some things that I just simply want to write about, yet try to make it a slight bit more entertaining than I normally would if I didn't know someone would probably end up reading it. What do people think about when they read the thoughts coming out of my head? How do I come across? Too neutoric? Not neurotic enough? Funny? Boring? And then this- does it really matter????

Back to blogs- there's an article on KSL (see here) about a girl that wrote a blog and is now a little bit famous locally due to pizza issues. She's getting her 15 minutes of fame, plus some. And good for her! It's humorous to me, though. Here's a girl that is just another person like me. Another person who tends to blend into the world in obscure anonymity. And then BOOM! She's a must-read blogger. And I wonder. Would I like that? Would that bother me? Would it affect any future writing if I had more of an audience? Would I even care?

Sorry, guys. Today is a day of self-introspection. I apologize for dragging you all into my psychological evaluation of myself.

Anyways, so that's why I read so many blogs. I'll click on a friend's link and then one of THEIR friends links and so on and so forth until I come across something that captures my attention. A blog that has even one little thing in it that I can relate to. Mostly I won't put them as a link, since that still feels a little too stranger-stalkerish. (Yes, I made that up.) Almost like I'm asking people for more public recognition of a blog written by someone that I have never talked to or met in my life. It seems a little much. Yet, they are blogging on the internet.....

So here's what it boils down to:
I am a voyer. I read your thoughts and take them in with interest. If you are talking on the phone around me, I will listen to your conversation and take it in with interest. If you leave your curtains open and the lights on, I will casually glance around (from the distance of the street, of course) and take it in with interest. I am a voyer. But as I write my own thoughts and feelings and beliefs- am I not a bit of an exhibitionist, as well?

Much Love!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

25 Things I Do Not Understand

Just as the title says, this blog is a list of some things that I do not understand......

1. A person that needs to always be around people and never alone.

2. Magic tricks.

3. Anything computer related other than the simple task of sending an email or writing a blog or surfing the internet.

4. People who complain about being fat but do not exercise or eat better.

5. Men who do not shave their heads when going bald.

6. How vehicles run. I.E.: Radiators, carburetors, pistons, spark plugs, manifolds (?), etc.

7. How getting cosmetic surgery could ever make anyone truly feel better about themselves as a person. (Though I must exclude those due to illnesses or injuries.)

8. The saying "You can't love anyone else until you love yourself".

9. Why everytime I spell the word "c-a-l-e-n-d-a-r", I ALWAYS put a "y" on the end and have
to delete or erase it.

10. Politics.

11. Ebonics.

12. How ping-pong, badminton, sailing and shooting are actual olympic sporting events.

13. Men.

14. Anyone who jumps from one relationship straight into another.

15. People that actually really believe that they are vampires.

16. Fung shui.

17. My landlady.

18. Huge million-dollar homes with teeny tiny yards.

19. After 7 years, 9 months and 6 days- I still like my job.

20. Why they are constantly changing soda can designs.

21. How even though my Smith's Fresh Value card has the bar code scratched, ripped, and generally peeling off- it still runs through the scanner at the self-checkout.

22. Unflushed toilets.

23. The obvious smell of old people.

24. Grudges.

25. That all fruit flavors of candy have absolutely no similarity to the actual taste of the fruit.

That's all I have for now.

Much Love!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Freedom! Short But Sweet.

As of 2:00 this afternoon, I am officially released from supervised probation from my DUI. Meaning that I don't have to call in to a phone number every single day to see if my number is called to go in for random drug and alcohol testing. I don't have to go to any more meetings with my probation officer. And everything is paid in full.
Now I am still on what's considered court probation. Meaning that if I fail my interlock device (which I still have until November) then I go back to court, or if I get any new charges then I go back to court. This is through November. When (not if) November comes along and I haven't failed my interlock (since I won't) and I haven't had any new charges (which I won't) then I'll be free and clear of everything. But from now until then, I don't have to call in everyday. It seems like such a small thing, but when you have to pick up your phone and dial a phone number every single day, it gets old. And then if your number is called, having to find the time to go in there and test during lunch at work or whenever, it gets hard. But I'm done with it!
Honestly, it has nothing to do with the fact of drinking vs not drinking. It's about control. I am now not under anyone else's control. I do not have to report to anyone but myself. And that's a very good feeling.

Much Love!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

In Bed

You know the little game of adding the words "in bed" to the end of your fortune cookie prediction? Well here is one I got the other day in my fortune cookie from Pan Wok Express: bed.

Wahoo! My dreams of becoming a successful prostitute may actually become a reality! Michael and I were watching "America's Got Talent" a bit ago. I am actually not a big fan of the show, except when people are horrible and get verbally slaughtered on national TV. That part is fun. Anyways, we were watching and a woman got through to Vegas. Are you curious what her "talent" is? Pole dancing, baby. So if she can survive a reality TV show through pole dancing, who knows how far I can go with my prostitution!......

And then Katie and I went to Pei Wei for dinner last night and my fortune was related- said something about me being generous (in bed). Maybe I will be so successful as a prostitute because of my generous nature in bed. Hey- the fortune said so! And fortune cookes never lie! Those Chinese restaurants really know what they are talking about.

Much Love!

Friday, August 8, 2008


Since I'm so completely un-original, I'm going to copy Cameron and post a survey thing sent by our friend Katie. I apologize ahead of time and the disclaimer is that I'm pretty boring and so will be this entire post......

Lets test your memory

1. what color shirt were you wearing when your last kiss?
*Last kiss on the cheek- Red and Pink striped shirt. This morning when I kissed Michael goodbye.

*Last REAL kiss- um... I don't pay enough attention to clothing to remember what I ever wear.

2. Do you remember your kindergarten teachers name?
*Nope. But my daddy used to come and assist the teacher, which I thought was cool. Nobody else's dad did that!

3. Do you remember your first kiss?
*Yep. It was akward. With Shane. Had a lot of firsts with Shane but I'll keep the details to myself.

4. Would you rather go to a party or go out of town?
*Depends on my mood, the weather, where the party is, who I would be going out of town with, etc.

5. What was the last thing you ate?
*A bologna and cheese sandwich last night. (I was craving bologna for some reason, even though it's pretty nasty.) Though Cindy is on lunch right now and bringing me back something tasty.

6. If you could get back in touch with anyone who would it be?
*I'm actually in touch with the people I want to be in touch with. Except for Matt. I'd like to be in touch with Matt.

7. When was the last time you talked to the last person you kissed?
*Well, this morning when I left I heard a muffled "Have a good day" while Michael's sleeping head was smashed into the pillow. But we did talk a little bit when he got home from work at 5 or so this morning. I woke up when he climbed in bed and started talking about Bozeman, MT......

8. Whats on your bedroom floor?
*On MY bedroom floor in my uninhabitable apartment is a ton of stuff, since everything from my front room and kitchen are crammed in my bedroom and back room.

9. What did you wake up to this morning?
*My cell phone alarm. It's the most annoying noise, so you NEED to get up just to shut the damn thing off.

10. What are you doing today?
*Working, then I have a hot date with Michael. I think we are going to see "Pineapple Express".

11. Describe your current shirt:
*Red and pink striped zip-up light hoodie thing (it's freezing inside my office building) over a pink V-neck shirt. Girly colors today, apparently.

12. Which movie did you last see in theaters?
*Um...... I don't remember. I think "Get Smart".

13. Who was it with?


14. Who were the last people you ate with?
*Let's see. I ate dinner with my family last Sunday.

15. When was the last time you felt guilty about something?
When I didn't donate a dollar to juveniles with diabetes

16. What color is your luggage?

17. When were you last on a boat?
*I stood on Michael's boat for a while a couple months ago. It was sitting in his driveway. See here.

18. When you have kids would you want a boy or a girl first?
*Hey, take it easy! Kids or no kids, that is the question.

19. Where are you right now?

*Sitting in my half-cubicle with a blanket on since it's freezing in here.

20. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
*Yes. It's actually better for your teeth. When you drink out of a cup, the sugar in the soda hits your teeth but when using a straw, it moves the drink further back in your mouth. Seriously. Just ask a dentist.

21. What was the last thing someone bought you?

*Michael bought me flowers for my birthday. And I think Billy bought me pizza or something. I like to pay for things on my own, so someone buying me something doesn't happen all that often.

22. Where will you be two months from now?
*In Utah. Hahaha!

23. Who did you last hang out with?
*Michael before he went to work on Wednesday. I like to spend a lot of time alone. I laugh at all my own jokes.

24. What did you do last weekend?
*Went camping!

25. Are you still besties with the same people you were besties with a year
*Not really with one of them. Long story.

26. What was the last hotel you stayed in?
*Considering I don't ever go anywhere, I'd have to say last September when I went to Vegas for a friend's wedding.

27. When did you last go to the beach?
*I was sort-of at a beach last weekend. Chad and I went hiking up to this lake and I laid on a rock by the water in my swimming suit. Does that count?

28. will you kiss the last person you kissed again?
*Most definately. I kinda like the guy. :)

29. Are you crushing on someone?

30. If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
*I actually discussed that

31. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
*Second chances, yes. More than that, no.

32. Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?
*I can't think of anyone, actually

33. Is anything bothering you right now?
*I'm at work. That's annoying.

Much Love!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Let's Make A Deal

Which door do you choose? Do you want what's behind Door number 1? Door number 2? Door number 3? Or do you want what's in this box I'm holding?

I feel like I'm on an episode of that lovely gameshow. With the housing situation and with a bunch of other things thrown into the mix, I'm absolutely confused. All of my options will have mysterious results. And I won't know what they are until I actually make my choice. And if I pick Door number 1, it could just end up being the figurative giant rocking horse. (Though the giant rocking horse is actually pretty cool.) I've never been a big fan of gambling. I can never seem to call anyone's bluff. I can never get away with bluffing, myself. As simple-minded as this may make me sound, I prefer to have less choices so that I can prevent throwing endless blame on myself for picking the wrong one.

But what to do when faced with some pretty drastic probable solutions? Has anyone actually ever truly benefited from a Pros VS Cons list? I tried it once. But I did it wrong. One list was "Staying in Kansas". The other list was "Moving back to Utah". My Pros always ended up as Cons on the Con list, which defeats the purpose. If a Pro was "family", a Con was "no family". My brain doesn't function under an all-inclusive list. Though I suppose a Pros VS Cons list should only be ONE list, like "Staying in Kansas" and avoiding the counter-productive "Moving back to Utah" list as it is just the exact opposite of the other.

Has anyone actually benefited from flipping a coin? The game of Heads or Tails? Is it, in all actuality, even the slightest bit beneficial to make a decision based on air flow and flip
ping speed? Sure, if it's the small things. But life-changes are not something I feel comfortable flipping a coin over. Especially when it would need to be a 3 or 4-headed coin as I have 3 or 4 valid options.

Has anyone actually benefited from Eeny Meeny Miny Moe? That takes us back to the whole idea of basing a big decision over a child's game. Not good enough for me, personally.

So what to do? I can see some very good things and very bad things about each and every situation. Yes, I'm keeping these "options" close to the belt. (Is that the saying? It sounds a little off......) I'm not fully ready to list them all out quite yet. But when I can, you'll understand my dilemma.
I have been in need of a big change for a year or more. I have called Billy every now and then, crying about how I'm "stuck" and "need something to change". And here's my opportunity. As Troy said in a comment on another of my blogs, "Be careful what you wish for". And how right he is. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. There's a large part of me that is rejoicing the way that things have played out. A large part that is excited for possibilities and chances and adventures. But there's still that itty bitty voice in my head saying "No! Bad things may happen! We want stability and comfort and boringness!" I silence it temporarily, but it always returns.......

Much Love!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


So I once wrote about hating pressure. And the pressure-monster hit me again today.

I drove down to the closest KFC for my Mashed Potato Bowl. The order-taker-dude was very friendly, which is unusual. Mostly they just take your order and push you through. Maybe it was because there were no cars in front of me or behind me and he was bored, or maybe he really likes his job. Either way, he was joking around and the sort. And then after he takes my Mashed Potato Bowl order, he says that he has one last question. "Okay", I say. "What's that?" He says "We are trying to raise money for juveniles with diabetes. Would you like to donate $1 to help the cause?". "Not today", I say.

And now I feel guilty about the poor little juveniles with diabetes that I was too selfish to help. If any of them die, it's all on my head for not donating my $1 to help them. Hopefully they are able to stay out of the land of candy.......

Much Love!

Please Don't Talk To Me

There are a few people in this world that really, truly, and horribly annoy me. I am pretty tolerant when it comes to people and their own ways of talking, telling jokes, etc. But as I said, there are a few people that I just can't seem to control myself around. Yes, I fully admit that it's not the best quality to have. I know that I should be kind to all, or something like that. But I don't think it's possible to tolerate EVERYONE that we meet. There is always going to be someone out there somewhere that makes you want to rip your hair out, and then punch them in the kidneys when all your hair is gone. There are specifically two of these individuals in my office. I try to avoid them at all costs, to avoid the sarcastic tone of my voice and the snappy comments coming from my mouth before I can even process what I am saying. Danielle is one of these individuals. And I think that she realizes that I'm not her biggest fan, and pretty much avoids me, too. But as we work together, she inevitably needs to ask me a question every now and then. I think the biggest thing that makes me snap is that she is DUMB. I don't like dumb people. The questions that come out of her mouth are questions that someone that was just barely hired would be asking. She's been here for years. And she doesn't listen to anything anyone says. She'll just repeat whatever you say back to you over and over again. Here's an example from just this morning:

(D calls my extension)
D- I have a question about a letter you sent out.
(Gives me the account info to pull up.)
D- See where you are asking for $61 back from the dentist?
Me- Yah
D- Why are we asking for that back?
Me- Just like it says in the letter, we paid for the x-rays twice in error.
D- But there's another charge we should have paid. Shouldn't we pay that one?
Me- No. If we already paid them too much, why would we pay them even more?
D- Oh. I'll tell her. Thanks.

Moments later D walks up to my desk:
D- So I checked it and we really should be paying these other charges.
Me- No, we shouldn't. They already owe us money. We can apply it to the new charges, but we can't just pay the new charges in full.
D- Are you sure? Because we never paid the new charges.
Me- Yes, I'm absolutely sure that we shouldn't pay out more money when we have already paid out too much. If what we would pay for the new charges is more than $61, then we can subtract the $61 from the payment for the new charges. But we won't be paying all the new charges without receiving the $61 back, or applying it to them.
D- So what do I do?
Me- Well, Danielle- what do we normally do with overpayments?
D- We send them to the overpayment inbox.
Me- So do you think that maybe you should send it there?
D- Should I just send you an email?
Me- I think that maybe it should go where it's supposed to go, don't you?
D- Um, okay.

See, people? I can't keep my sarcasm in control around her. She drives me crazy!!

Much Love!

Friday, August 1, 2008

The Saga Continues

So here are some email correspondence between the evil landlady and myself (and just random ones that she has sent me):

Hi Jessica,
I hope you are doing ok. I moved the stuff from the yard to the covered area. I still have laryngitis so I can't talk well. The flood men came back and ripped out the carpet and kitchen floor. They cut 8 inches from base of floor. The Insurance adjuster came out this morning.

I'm sorry to hear about your laryngitis- NOT fun.
I have been staying with my boyfriend so at least I have a place to stay.
What did the insurance adjuster say?
Any idea when the place is going to be livable?
And this situation brings up a question- What about rent? Are you going to be pro-rating my rent for the days that I can't stay there as the apartment is not livable at this time? What is the precedent for that?
Let me know about the insurance, when the apartment is livable, and the rent situation.
Thank you.


The Insurance man said he needs to do some more paper work. He is going to send an investigator out to determine how this happend. He also said there were questions about the category three status. As far as rent and what to do I will need to call the Landlord Association to find out what I need to do and how this will be handled. They still need to do some special treatments to the walls, refinish and paint the walls, the carpet man will need to measure and install. The kitchen man will need to do the same. This is such an unfortunate event to have take place. I've heard from other homeowners there is a lot of paperwork, appointments and work to do to get things in order. The fans they have going downstairs makes things very, very warm and noisy. I will try to find out how many days it will be.

Okay. Let me know what you find out about rent, how long, etc. If you still can't talk, email is fine for getting in touch with me. I will need to stop by and grab a few things between now and Friday. Should just be a quick in and out.


Hi Jessica,
I will be happy to pro-rate the rent for you. The flood company is coming in this afternoon to do another treatment process. When it is all completed it will be like new! It will have new paint, new carpets, new kitchen floor and and the whole place will smell like new! It would be ashamed (not to mention a serious health code violation) to ruin the new carpet by allowing a dog to soil the carpet. Will you be able to find a new home for the dog? I hope everything is going ok for you as I know it is a huge inconvenience to have to deal with a flood. If you need me to help you with anything please let me know.

Hi Jessica,
I noticed that you have a TON of books laying around. The battered womens shelters in Salt Lake City are in desparate need of books. Many women arrive at the shelters with only the clothes on their backs. Women tend to get very bored at the shelter so books would give them something to do and take their minds off their problems.

Hi Jessica,
Please let me know what your friend's address is so I can forward your mail to you. Have a great day.

August 1, 2008
The worker from the Flood Company came to my house this morning. He said it would be about two weeks or so before the apartment is completed. Also, one more quick thing: There will be a three-step rental increase as follows:
Effective Sept 1, 2008 rent will increase to $575 per month
Effective Oct 1, 2008 rent will increase to $635 per month
Effective Nov 1, 2008 rent will increase to $695 per month
For any further assistance please call me at xxx-xxxx.
cc: file

So there you have it. I'm out of my place for at least another two weeks, I can't have my dog anymore, and she's raising my rent. So guess what? I'm officially on an immediate roommate quest. Is anyone other than me getting the idea that she's forcing me out? And $695 a month rent? Are you kidding me? It's not even worth what I'm paying now. Granted, it's a decent sized place. But I can hear every single movement that they make upstairs. I have a super hard time sleeping normally and the stomping and screaming from above pushes me over the edge. And that's all besides the fact that she's just a crazy person who slips mean little letters in my mail, like about how my friend DARED to pick me up one time with his trailer (we were going camping) and he blocked the driveway for 5 whole minutes...... So at least now that I'm being forced out in a way, it's forcing me to actually take action. Which is good, in a wierd way. I'm not the best with change, so I'll need to keep a good attitude about the whole thing. And I may need some help. Words of encouragement, anyone? :)

I need to get working so that I can leave and pack up and go camping for the weekend! Wahoo!

Much Love!