Yah, it's AGAIN been a while since I've blogged. I just feel like I'm a little useless these days. Not that I'm not worth anything, but that I just haven't felt like sharing my thoughts or feelings with the world. I found my little shelter and haven't wanted to get away from that because it makes me feel vulnerable. But maybe I need to embrace the internet vulnerability since I can't seem to allow myself to depend on anyone in the real life world.
I sometimes like to stick my little ear buds in my ears and listen to music. Sometimes I'll dance, sometimes I'll stand in one position and stare at the sky, sometimes I'll close my eyes and cry. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel stronger than anyone that's ever existed. Sometimes I feel happy. Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes I feel unstable. Sometimes I feel anxious. Sometimes I feel pressure. Sometime I feel hope. Sometimes I feel hope dying. Sometimes I feel hopeful. Right now?
I feel helpless.
Helpless to save my brother from himself. Helpless to find another job. Helpless to connect. Helpless to heal. Helpless to soothe. Helpless to verbalize. Helpless to plan. Helpless.
My friend says that I'm not emotionally stunted. I try to agree with her, but can't. Stunted I am.
And some blah and blah and blah.