Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A Day Of Shaking

I've been shaking all day today. It's been quite the ride and I can actually feel my body tiring out due to everything.

First- I drank WAY too much coffee this morning. I woke up exhausted (mostly due to my inability to sleep the past two nights due to a particular emotional ride I've been on the past 2 days). So using caffeine as a cruch I "woke up". But by the time I was awake enough, I'd had so much coffee that I was wired and shaking.

Second- I had a court appearance today. Now keep in mind that though I haven't really done anything wrong, it's still so completely nerve-wracking. Basically I've been going every 90 days or so since I was sentenced and they just review your status of everything you are supposed to be doing and make sure that you are in "compliance" with it all. I've obviously been working hard on getting everything done that I can and at this point I have completed everything that they asked of me. There are a couple ongoing things that won't be done until the end up my probation but those aren't an issue. Anyways, it always scares me to death to go to court. For no reason other than it's COURT. You have to stand up in front of a bunch of people who are clinging on to your every word since they themselves are all nervous and trying to distract themselves from their own shakes. So ALL DAY today I've been shaking with nervousness and my stomach clenched in knots. I walk in to court at 1:30 and see this cool lady that I've run into a few times for DUI stuff. Sat down next to her and we joked around and chit-chatted for a bit until the court clerk came out and started running through people. Everyone is so serious and quiet that it's even scarier! She gets to me and I get up there in front of everyone. Marsha, my old counselor through the DUI Agency (who happens to love me) said "There should be a non-compliance note there", meaning that I didn't do something that I was supposed to do. I look in shock at Marsha and damnit- she's laughing! Then the court clerk says "I don't see it" and then realizes that Marsha is laughing and so SHE starts laughing. So I say loudly "Marsha, stop picking on me!". Which makes the county clerk laugh even harder, and everyone in the court then starts laughing. Apparently, I was quite the comedian in court. So then the court clerk goes through everything that I've done and tells me that she doesn't need me to come back for any more reviews since I've been doing so well. She asks Marsha if she feels that there is any reason for me to come back. I look back at Marsha and point at her and wag my finger in the "Bad girl!" gesture as she sits there quietly. And then Marsha, the court clerk, and the "audience" all start laughing again. Marsha obviously says she doesn't see a reason for me to come back and off I go with no future court reviews. Wahoo! While walking to get my stuff everyone is smiling at me and still giggling a bit. I hear my name and lo and behold- my friend's mom is in court. We talked for a second and then I left. You KNOW it's a small world when in DUI court, you run into someone you know. So that was done and over with and the shakes were slowly subsiding.

AND THEN- Hailey, Amy and I went outside for a cigarette. When riding the elevator back up, it suddenly dropped and then somehow caught itself. I seriously thought we were going to plummet to the bottom of the elevator shaft! My heart starts pounding, the adrenaline kicks in, and off course- the shakes come back. At least this time I wasn't the only one shaking since it freaked out Hailey and Amy, too. I'm not talking a little shifting or anything. It literally just stopped VERY suddenly and then dropped a ways. It scared the crap out of all of us. We reported it to the receptionist so she can maybe get someone to look at it so it doesn't kill anyone or anything. Hahaha!

So anyways, it's been a day of shaking.

And something happened on Sunday which I'm not ready to talk about yet as I need to work it out in my head first. And that has gotten me all twisted up and anxious. This "thing" has the possibility of being a really wonderful "thing", but it's a lot for my brain to deal with right now. So that doesn't help with all my stress of late.

Anyways, I'm going to take some Tylenol since my head is killing me and then I'm going to go home and do absolutely nothing. Because damnit, I can.

Much love!

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