So to add on to my earlier blog:
It's not very often that I let myself sink low as I'm generally an optimistic person who (at least I like to think) knows herself, and though I fully admit to the many bad qualities that I have, am also able to confidently admit to my good qualities, as well. So now I feel the need to express the short little spurt of a pity-party that I invited you all to attend. My landlady is evil and insane. She didn't used to be this bad. I live in the basement apartment of her house. Joan (evil insane landlady) has a son about 10 or so. And he's even MORE evil and insane than his mother. Constant screaming, constant stomping, etc. Back when I drank all the time, it was okay. I'd be able to drink enough to numb it out and then fall blissfully into an unhealthy and unfulfilling slumber. And now that alcohol isn't in my diet, I just can't seem to attain sober sleep easily. So when you throw in the fact that my landlady was stomping around until 2 in the morning today, I obviously didn't get much sleep. I was able to drift off at 4 (at least that was the time when I last looked at my clock) and had to wake up at 8 for work. Some people can handle few hours of sleep. I'm not one of them. So when I got to work this morning, I was exhausted and frustrated and had forgotten that today was a food day at work (pot luck thing) and I was supposed to bring the plates and utensils but I was off yesterday and nobody reminded me even though they all have my phone number. Issues with Michael (yes, again) from the weekend were on my mind and making me feel sad. Then throw in all the mosquito bites I mysteriously contracted over the weekend..... I was NOT in the best of moods, to put it mildly. And the anger and depression set in. Feeling helpless due to that fact that I'm still paying off a lot of things for my DUI which prohibits me from just finding a place, ANY place to move into due to lack of funds. Then I cried and started typing out that previous blog with my rambling "feel sorry for me" catastrophe. I truly did feel some release while angrily typing away at the keyboard of my soul, which also happened to be the REAL keyboard to my computer, imagine that! Anyways, I obviously was smacked in the face with the realization that though I prefer to live alone (and actually HAVE lived alone for the past 4 1/2 years), I am still perfectly able to communicate with people and be around people, so why not find someone that needs a bit of help in their own living situation and see if we could benefit each other? Though I WILL have to sacrifice walking around in my underwear, which is a favorite pasttime of mine......
So I posted an ad (which I spelled as "add" in my previous blog) on Craigslist and KSL. I have had a couple reponses so far and will be meeting with some of these people to see if we can stand each other. If so, I may have found a way out of the sleep-deprived misery that I've been living with for so long!
And then I ate a BBQ beef sandwich, and who can feel sad when eating a BBQ beef sandwich?
And then a somewhat lost friend (who I have strongly missed) of mine actually conversed with me today for the first time in a LONG time.
And then Billy told me that he actually IS going to be able to come visit next month which is great since he wasn't going to be able to make it.
And then I remembered that I get to have dinner with my beautiful Momma tonight.
And a smile lightened my face and I ate some potato chips and then a laugh popped out and then my optimism was resurrected. A Lazurus of sorts.
So the pity-party is over. Please clean up after yourselves and hopefully we won't be having another one of these parties for quite a while.