Friday, June 13, 2008

Sneaky Pants

I remember now why I don't wear these pants that have sneakily found their way onto my body for the day.

Throughout the ages, women have been forced to wear some very painful and/or uncomfortable things for the sake of "style". Some examples: Girdles/corsets, nylons, high heels, disgustingly heavy ball gowns in the summer, crazy cone-shaped hats, bras, etc. The one that is getting to me today is the tight pants style.

I keep forgetting that I have some old clothes that still can minimally fit me. Unfortunately, not too much for the pants. You see- I grew what we call "hips". And I gained a little bit of something we call "weight". So it's pretty obvious that pants I wore 5 years ago before I got "hips" and gained "weight" will not necessarily fit me anymore. After a battle of pulling the pants over my now child-bearing hips (haha!), it's hard to get them buttoned over the extra layer that has sprouted on my belly. Now keep in mind that I'm not fat. And I was told yesterday at my wellness screening that I finally weigh what I should way for my height as I've always been considered underweight. So this has nothing to do with me complaining about gaining weight. I'm proud of it. On top of that, I'm damn proud that I finally grew into a woman's body that shows a little more curvature. The issue here is that I've always worn my pants tight, as that is the socially accepted way for young women to dress in order to somewhat fit in and look attractive or whatever. So these pants that were once tight on my younger, thinner, not as "mature" body don't necessarily fit on my older, heavier, more adult body.

The funny thing is- you'd think that with me having trouble pulling the pants over my hips this morning, I'd realize that it may not be a good idea to wear pants that I would have to struggle with to even pee. But in my morning rush to get to work (even forgot my coffee!!!!), I just left. And now, I can't breathe. I've officially turned into one of those people that has to unbutton their pants while sitting in order to not feel the life drain out of them. Everytime I get up from my desk to do something I have to button my pants back up. And then unbutton them when I sit down again. And to be absolutely, completely honest- I find it amusing and humorous. Who ever thought that the girl accused of being anorexic or bullemic all her life has to unbutton her pants just to be a little more comfortable? To me, it's a bit of a "in your face" thing. I get satisfaction knowing that for all those people that accused me of not eating and/or throwing up because I was so skinny have been officially proved wrong. I have never had an eating disorder. I have been known to be quite the pig, actually. I used to be able to out-eat Billy at the JB's breakfast buffet when we'd skip school. And not once did I ever feel like there was something wrong with binging WITHOUT purging. It's hitting me now that I'm a little older. I intend to exercise more and get some blood flowing through my body, but not necessarily lose weight.

So as I end this little insight into my inability to breathe today, I'd like to say the following: Spring cleaning should always include throwing away old clothes, as a day will come when we inevitably grab the wrong pair of pants and suffer through the day with them.

I am now going to button up my pants, walk to the kitchen to refill my water bottle, walk back to my desk and unbutton my pants once again.

Much love!

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