Thursday, April 24, 2008

I Be More Smarter Now

Calendar- 4/23- Dinner and drive with Joe

So here's a pic of my new glasses. Yes, when working in a building with lots of windows, it tends to not take good "glasses" pictures due to all the light. And yes, I pulled my hat up a bit so you can see them. I promise, my head doesn't really look that wierd and isn't really that tall and skinny. :)

So what do you think? I've been walking around funny all day because when you haven't worn glasses in YEARS, it takes a while to get used to them. But my eyes are becoming used to it in just a day, so I'm sure that I'll be alright.

I was going through some of my old emails today and came across a bunch of ones that I'd saved from forever ago to a little more recent in a "Personal Misc" email folder. Wow, the memories. Old ones from Billy, old ones from Ben, old ones from Dan and some from Michael. It's amazing that we forget about these little parts of ourselves and the past people that we've been. In reading the old emails, I remember exactly what is being referred to whether it was a good time or a bad time. And the pictures, my word! So I've just been hanging out in memories today with the old emails and the pictures and even some old blogs that I copied and sent to myself from Myspace forever ago. The email that I sent four years ago to our office about the May morale committee events that I planned by myself. That particular picture that Dan took of me that I had completely forgotten about and had always loved. The poem that a random guy that I went out with three time had emailed me. A picture of me and Jarad last year at one of Tammy's parties. The link to my friend's personal website that I completely forgot about. Even a picture that Michael took of me the first night we met. It's funny that I purposely save all these things and then end up forgetting that I've saved them. But it sure is fun to go back and stir through the "folder" of memories and see what pops up!

So my friend (who just also happens to be my cousin) is getting married in May, and I'm so happy for him! I haven't met his fiance yet as she lived in Thailand (where they met and dated and got engaged) and from what I know, just got to the States recently. I haven't kept up with my cousin/friend Spencer since he moved to Thailand and moved back, but I was able to see him at a family get-together that we had about a month ago. I do love that guy and am excited for him to settle down with the woman that he loves. He truly deserves it. Though I do have to be completely honest, I'm going to feel really uncomfortable being the only single person at the wedding dinner. Or at least ALMOST the only single person there. But I'm okay. Like I said, it will be a little uncomfortable but I will prevail! I think that I just need to come to terms with the real possibility that I will always be the lone girl. I always imagined myself someday getting married and having kids and all that. But some people just aren't born for that, you know? Some people come into this life without the "family" fate. And maybe, just maybe, I'm one of those people that just isn't meant to be with anybody and/or have offspring. I know I'm not "old" or anything and I'm not jumping the gun on this or even feeling sad about it. I have a family member named Nancy who has never been married and never will marry. I'm not even aware that she dates at all. So yah, some people are just not meant to do the husband/wife thing and I need to honestly acknowledge that it's a possibility. No big deal, I'm comfortable in my own skin. And am still actually quite young and don't need to worry about anything. Just thinking out loud....

As I have pretty much given myself permission to bare my soul on here, I must admit that I have realized that maybe I do have hope. And I am self-aware enough to realize that it may be an unfounded and useless and maybe even damaging hope, but it's there just the same. And until certain things are done or certain things are said or certain things made evident, I am holding on to the rope ladder that leads to the clubhouse.

Okay, I be needin to git writin' some letters and ask some of them peoples for some monies that we wasn't supposed to pay 'em. Wahoo!

Much love!

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