Tuesday, April 22, 2008

It's an attack!

First- calendar update: 04/21- Did nothing

Since Sunday, I have discovered that I should either be a contortionist or a demolition expert. Apparently, objects in the world have all conspired against me. Think I'm kidding?

*Sunday evening I was attacked by a pink "Dora the Explorer" chair
*Sunday night I was attacked by my coffee table
*Monday I was attacked by the elevator door
*Today I have been attacked by my metal work drawer

Need more proof? Because of the pink "Dora the Explorer" chair, I have a bruise on the back on my leg. Because of the coffee table, I have a big red mark on my chin (about the size of a nickel). Because of the elevator door, I have a bruise on my arm. And I'm pretty sure I'll have a bruise on my leg tomorrow due to my metal work drawer.

I HATE it when inanimate objects start up their little war cry and strategize on ways to attack that sweet and innocent Jessica girl. I've done nothing to these objects, yet they have declared war and strike in the most unforseen places. I have to give them credit at their brilliance of cammoflauging themselves as just a plain old pink "Dora the Explorer" chair, a boring old coffee table, an ordinary elevator, and just a funtional desk drawer. The skills with which they manipulate me just to get me where they want me are astounding! And their resilience to spring right back to their original form is amazing! (Other than the coffee table, which fought hard but ended up sacrificing its life in the war on Jessica.) I can't help but respect their highly motivated ambition to destroy me. Especially the coffee table with its strong enough desire to strike a blow to my battle that it willingly became a suicidal coffee table in the name of all that's Holy. That's dedication and loyalty, I tell ya! The battles continue as I fight for my life against a bold and ruthless army of inanimate objects.......

or my equilibrium is just off.....

On another note, MY NEW GLASSES ARE IN!!! Now I can finally give my eyeballs a break from the contacts! Wahoo! (Plus, contacts are another inanimate object and I fear that they will rebel and strike directly at my eye sight if not removed.)
Much love!

1 comment:

Monger's said...

HA HA!! Loved it!