There are times that I feel that prodding of intuition, the little voice in my head, the internal insistence on doing something or saying something or prohibiting myself from doing something or saying something. What I really need to do is pay more attention to these little universal hints. I find myself doubting these feelings and thoughts and then end up wondering why I pushed them away in the first place.
I believe in intuition. I believe that there is a little part of one's brain or soul or wherever the button's hidden that has a forsight that we cannot understand and some fail to utilize.
"Mother's Intuition" is considered an acceptable form of this internal power. It's known and accepted. But what about those of us that still feel this little power and have no children to explain our highly attuned sense of knowledge? (And men?)
I fight intution. I'm not sure why I do this. As stated above, I believe in it. It's possible that as I constantly doubt myself, I doubt ALL parts of myself. It's possible that as I have so many ponderous thoughts inside my head, I fail to sort through what is just random brain activity compared to actual intution that is screaming for attention. It's possible that I am simply unable to determine what intution is exactly. It's also possible that I have ended up getting in trouble for following my intuition and sometimes doubt that it's beneficial. Whatever the reason, I fight it.
There have been times when I confuse intuition with a lack of trust. Is it something internal telling me something, or is it my own lack of trust trying to catch somebody in the act? The thing that absolutely gets me is no matter how much I tell myself that it's just me being untrusting, there's always been something to find. Whether it be intution, or everyone is guilty of hiding something, I don't know. (Don't jump to conclusions- I'm talking about my entire life and not just since I've been with Michael.)
When I got my DUI, I was getting ready to leave a lot earlier than I ended up staying. Chad and I had been at Green Street for long enough and we were just about done. My intution told me to leave. Someone showed up and we ended up staying later. And drinking more. Would I have been fine if I listened to my intuition? Possibly. Would I have ended up getting a DUI at some point? Probably. So in that instance, it was inevitable that I was going to get "caught" at some point. Intuition could possibly have prevented it that night, but not forever.
I failed my intuition today. One of the small failings that doesn't impact my life in any serious way whatsoever. When I was walking out this morning, intuition told me to grab my camera. Instead of doing that, my brain took over and said "Why? What would you take a picture of that's any different than every other day?". But on the way to work as I was stopped at a stoplight, I looked over towards the 7-11 on the corner. And there were two bright white (seriously BRIGHT white) pigeons taking a bath in a puddle against the curb. It was such a beautiful sight, actually. Among the dirt and rain and darkness were two white pigeons brightening everything up. So I should have had my camera......
I am going to start paying more attention to the prodding of intuition, that internal voice in my head, that insistence.